27 September 2023

A strategy to increase the people you can trust

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In a world where trust is increasingly at a premium, Bruce Kasanoff* shows how you can take steps to reinstate it among your colleagues and clients.

Who do you trust? It’s not a rhetorical question and I’d appreciate it if you could pause for a moment — yes, right now — and think about your answer.

My perception is that most of us answer that question with a much shorter list of people and institutions than ever before.

I don’t.

One simple strategy has enabled me to expand the number of people I trust.

I spend increasing amounts of time with people who are willing to move far beyond the superficial conversations that occupy most of humanity.

Both my clients and friends — in many cases, the two groups overlap — are not only willing, but also eager to go deep.

They crave substantive, genuine, honest conversations.

They want to talk about their fears, dreams and wild ideas. They long for the opportunity to reveal their genuine self and to still be accepted.

This is one definition of unconditional love, and it is a magical portion when you apply it much more widely than just in your primary and family relationships.

There are two reasons I decided to go deeper — the first is that this is what makes me happy.

The second is that this makes me feel safe and comfortable in a world that sometimes feels the opposite.

When you go deep with other people, you discover their genuine self.

You know what makes them laugh, cry, flee, move closer, become insecure or shift towards euphoria.

You can anticipate how they are going to react. You have tested them with your most vulnerable truths, and they passed the test, again and again.

If any of this sounds appealing to you, I have one other suggestion to share.

The first step to going deeper is to ask deeper questions and to listen to each answer with patience and acceptance.

Be ready to hear some things that startle you. Expect the unexpected.

Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to offer the other person 100 per cent acceptance, no matter what they tell you.

This is how we build trust: To know both the best and the worst about each other, and to still accept the other person 100 per cent.

Go deeper. It will enrich your life.

*Bruce Kasanoff is the founder of The Journey, a newsletter for positive, uplifting and accomplished professionals. He can be contacted at kasanoff.com.

This article first appeared at kasanoff.com

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