Kathy Caprino* says her research has shown that repeated challenges at work or home are not from actual situations, but from how a person sees her or himself and the way they operate.
I spent 18 years in corporate life that had some high points, but also a number of significant challenges that turned into crises.
These included sexual harassment, gender discrimination, chronic illness, narcissistic bosses, financial hardship, toxic colleagues, unethical leadership and more.
When I look back, I see my entire corporate career was riddled with repeating challenges that were not, in fact, random.
After a brutal layoff in the days following 9/11, I reinvented my career.
I began to research the full array of challenges I was seeing in front of me.
I felt compelled to understand more about why women are experiencing these crises so frequently.
In the work I do with women now, the surveys and assessments my clients have completed reveal that the needle on these crises has not moved.
If your serious challenges repeat over and over again, no matter what job, career or relationship you pursue, the problem is most likely not the situation itself but how you are seeing yourself and operating in the world.
The reality is that we are unconsciously co-creating and contributing to the perpetuation of these problems in our lives — even the things we’re trying to run away from.
Addressing these challenges is a journey that takes time and effort.
However, there are steps you can take to stop in your tracks, understand what’s happening, and take empowered action to change it.
The first step is to assess if what you’re experiencing is a chronic crisis or just a rough patch.
In other words, is it an incident or an issue?
Below are the most common crises thousands of working women (and many men) face that are often misunderstood as just temporary situations.
Suffering from chronic health problems that won’t abate:
This may not seem like a ‘professional’ crisis, but it is.
I experienced four years of chronic, serious infections of my trachea which doctors simply couldn’t understand or help.
The minute I was laid off from my toxic role after 9/11, the infections vanished.
I had spent years not speaking up for myself or saying what needed to be said, and was so exhausted and stressed every day that my body was trying to communicate what my lips couldn’t.
Experiencing a loss you can’t recover from:
When we lose something that fed our self-esteem, such as a job or a relationship, it often devastates us in a way that we don’t recover from.
That’s often because we’ve overly-identified with that one thing that gave us self-esteem.
In other words, we lost parts of ourselves that we now need to regain.
Failing yourself, and losing your own self-respect and self-acceptance:
If you look at how you’re behaving and don’t like or respect who you are any longer, it’s not about your job or career.
It’s about how you’re operating in the world.
Failing to stand up powerfully for yourself:
An inability to speak bravely and powerfully for what you need and want is a problem I work with clients on every day.
If we can’t communicate what we need in a powerful way, we’ll lose more than just opportunities, we’ll lose everything that makes us who we are.
Facing repeated abuse or mistreatment:
If you were manipulated in childhood by parents who gave you only conditional love.
If they demanded that you be a certain type of person to be loved (especially if you had narcissistic or emotionally manipulative parents, teachers and authority figures).
If this is the case you need some outside therapeutic help to support you to heal and thrive beyond those crushing lessons this manipulation taught you.
Getting crushed by unrelenting competition:
Feeling like no matter what you do it isn’t enough, and you’re sick to death of trying to prove your worth.
You can’t feel any level of comfort or joy at being collaborative, inclusive, or accepting — and feel you always have to be ‘on top’.
If this is so it’s time to explore if at the root, you simply don’t feel good enough and where that came from.
Feeling trapped by financial fears:
It’s astounding how many people will stay in demoralising and intolerable conditions simply because they’re too afraid to take even one small step to explore improving their situation.
Wasting your real talents:
I’d be very wealthy if I had a dollar for every time I’ve seen, read or heard people saying that to pursue a new, more fulfilling direction will make them go broke and lose everything.
It’s simply not true if you pursue career change in the smartest, more effective way possible.
Longing to be of help in the world, but feeling your job won’t allow it:
We can make a difference in the world in many ways.
It can be through our work, but also through our volunteering, hobbies, or contributing our time and effort to a cause that matters.
Striving unsuccessfully to balance life and work:
I’m a mother with two grown children, and I’ve lived what so many parents have experienced.
It’s all about identifying with eyes wide open your highest priorities in life.
Then mustering the boundaries, bravery and commitment to pursue those priorities without hesitation and regret.
Doing work you hate:
Your career and what you do with your skills and talents are within your control.
So many people today have abdicated their control and power, staying stuck for years or even a lifetime in work that demoralises them.
Thousands of people have engaged in the internal and external work needed to shift out of these crises, and improved their lives and careers.
There’s no reason why you can’t be one of them.
*Kathy Caprino runs a leadership and career coaching and consulting firm dedicated to the advancement of women. She can be contacted at kathycaprino.com.
This article first appeared on Kathy’s blogsite.
