While everyone lies, often the lie is harmless. Travis Bradberry* suggests methods to use when it’s really important to get to the truth.
How many people have you spoken with today? Chances are most of them lied to you — and that they did it more than once.
It’s a hard fact to accept, but even your closest friends and co-workers lie to you regularly.
University of Massachusetts psychologist, Robert Feldman has studied lying for more than a decade, and his research has reached some startling conclusions.
Most shocking is that 60 per cent of people lie during a typical 10-minute conversation and they average two-to-three lies during that short timeframe.
Most of the people in Professor Feldman’s studies don’t even realise all of the lies they have told until after the conversation when it was played back to them on video.
People lie in everyday conversation to appear more likeable and competent.
While men and women lie equally as often, they tend to lie for different reasons.
“Women were more likely to lie to make the person they were talking to feel good, while men lied most often to make themselves look better,” Professor Feldman said.
Research by Leanne ten Brinke at the Haas School of Business suggests that, while most of us have pretty good instincts for recognising liars, we tend to talk ourselves out of believing what our instincts are telling us.
We hesitate to call liars out in professional environments because we feel guilty for being suspicious.
Calling someone a liar for no good reason is a frightening proposition for most.
Thankfully, Dr Brink’s research points to objective, well-documented physiological and behavioural changes we can use to make accurate assessments of other people’s truthfulness.
Keep an eye out for the following signs of a liar.
They cover their mouths
A hand on the mouth or even a touch of the lips shows you they are lying because this unconscious body language represents a closing off of communication.
When lying, people also instinctively cover vulnerable body parts, such as the head, neck, or abdomen, because lying makes them feel exposed.
They repeat themselves and provide too much detail
Liars hate silence, so they often try to fill it up by talking more than they need to.
They provide far more information than was needed or asked for.
Liars will also repeat phrases as they struggle to buy time to gather their thoughts.
They prepare for an escape
In an unconscious attempt to find an escape route, people who are lying often angle their bodies toward the door if they’re sitting.
If they’re standing, they may even move closer to the door.
Their words and body language don’t match
It’s easy to lie with words, but our bodies know (and show) the truth.
For example, someone is telling you a sad story about the personal struggles that made them miss work, yet they’re smiling while they’re talking and their hand gestures and body posture are animated and excited.
Their breathing changes
People reflexively start breathing more heavily when they lie as lying causes changes to heart rate and blood flow.
Sometimes liars will even have trouble speaking as the mucous membranes in the mouth dry out.
They change their typical patterns of eye movement
It’s not where the person is looking that matters, but a change in direction.
Some people, for instance, look up and to the right when they’re remembering information, but down when they’re lying.
For other people, it’s the opposite.
A change in eye movement can be a very strong indicator of lying, but you have to know the person’s typical pattern first.
However, there is one eye movement that’s pretty universal — people who are lying often look toward the door, their unconscious escape route.
They get aggressive
Liars will often get aggressive in a conversation for no apparent reason.
Sometimes liars will become hostile and point aggressively in your direction.
Other times, liars will maintain excessive eye contact without blinking in an abrasive attempt to appear truthful.
They fidget
Even practiced liars worry you won’t believe them, so they release nervous energy by playing with their hair, tapping their feet or fingers, pulling on their ears, and more.
Shuffling the feet is a common expression of nervous energy associated with lying.
Before rushing to any conclusions, be certain to consider what constitutes normal behaviour for the person who you think might be lying to you.
The indicators above only have meaning in the context of a person’s typical behaviour.
If your colleague has ADHD and fidgets constantly, you can’t take the fidgeting as a sign of lying.
Some people, such as psychopaths, don’t demonstrate any of this behaviour because they don’t feel nervous or guilty about lying.
One British study showed that the incidence of psychopathy among chief executives is four times that of the general population, so it’s not as unlikely as you might think.
*Travis Bradberry is the award-winning co-author of the bestselling book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0, and the co-founder of TalentSmart. He can be contacted at talentsmart.com.
This article first appeared at talentsmart.com.
