Comparisons may be odious but Lisa Earle McLeod* says humans cannot avoid making them.
Humans have been called the comparing creatures.
Our brains are hardwired to compare ourselves to others, and assess how we stack up.
It’s how the human race evolves. We build on the accomplishments of others.
Can you imagine one lioness looking at another lioness wondering: “How does she get her cubs’ coats so shiny?”
Lionesses and lions are majestic beasts, but they’re pretty much running their lives the exact same way they were 5,000 years ago.
The challenge for humans is, the very same behaviour that helps us improve ourselves, individually and collectively, (comparing) is also the behaviour that erodes our spirit.
It pits us mercilessly and often needlessly against one another.
Here are two personal examples.
Within the first week of my first job I was comparing my work to that of my colleagues.
I worked for Procter & Gamble; the standards were very high.
Comparing myself to others helped me up my game.
A group of peers with high standards can help you rise to the occasion.
As a young parent, I also compared myself.
How do other parents talk to their toddlers? What do other parents do when their child melts down in public?
Comparing helps you see what’s possible.
Which behaviour do you want to emulate and which behaviour do you want to avoid?
There’s nothing like watching someone else’s eight-year-old throw a hissy fit to help you realise you need to rein in your four-year-old before she turns into a brat.
In my case, had I been left to my own devices, I suspect I wouldn’t have learned as many skills at work, and I would have been a much slacker parent.
Comparing is how we make sense of the world.
The reason you call someone tall is because they’re taller than others around them.
The reason you consider your boss nice may be because your last boss was terrible.
Every observation you make is in reference to another observation.
To say stop comparing, is akin to saying please stop having logical thought.
Yet, we’ve all been told by well-meaning parents and teachers: “Don’t compare yourself to others.”
The irony is, the very same people probably routinely pointed out well-mannered children and good students as examples for us to emulate.
One of the things I love about business is, there’s no pretence about comparing.
It’s part of the standard operating model.
Every good organisation knows your clients are comparing you to the competition.
You better be measuring yourself or you’ll fall behind.
Anyone who does any hiring or promoting knows you’re always comparing people against performance standards and each other.
Constant comparison can be exhausting.
Living your life with a constant refrain of: Am I good enough? Do I measure up? Am I winning or am I falling behind? inhibits your ability to be fully present.
Constant comparing will rob you of the happiness and joy found in real human connections.
It will keep you from experiencing the serotonin effect of gratitude.
It will erode feelings of justifiable pride in your accomplishments.
Aristotle said: “Every virtue carried to extreme is a vice.”
Comparing helps you when it spurs you to beneficial actions, like exercising more or speaking more concisely in meetings.
Comparing hurts you when it causes you to judge yourself or others as unworthy.
The difference is both dramatic and nuanced.
Next time you find yourself comparing, ask yourself: Is comparing going to help me navigate the world in a more effective way?
If so, assess away; if not, it’s OK to just be yourself.
*Lisa Earle McLeod is creator of the business concept Noble Purpose. She is the author of Selling with Noble Purpose and Leading with Noble Purpose and can be contacted at mcleodandmore.com.
This article first appeared on Lisa’s blogsite.
