Travis Bradberry* says while the world at large tends to think perfectionism is a virtue, taken to extremes it can be career-shattering.
We live in a world that idolises perfectionism. Parents, coaches, and teachers push us to be high achievers, but they fail to teach us balance.
We live our lives with an ingrained desire to give our all in pursuit of lofty goals, but we don’t know when to pull back.
Most people lean hard into their perfectionism, extolling it as a virtue to the point it becomes a vice. Doing so is troubling.
Studies from the University of British Columbia and the University of Tehran show that perfectionism is linked to depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues.
To defeat perfectionism, you have to learn to spot when it’s holding you back.
This is difficult because perfectionistic tendencies like to hide under the guise of hard work and zeal.
Researcher, Tal Ben-Shahar suggests that you shift your mentality from that of a perfectionist to that of an optimalist.
Optimalists strive just as hard for success, but they’re more flexible, resilient, and adaptive in the pursuit of their goals.
Optimalism is bound to make you happier and more productive.
What follows are the some hallmarks of perfectionism that has gotten out of control.
You think perfectionism is what it takes to be successful
Sometimes, you really need to push yourself hard to be successful.
When your perfectionism gets out of control, using hard work as the justification for the unnecessary pain and suffering you endure is easy.
Perfectionism creates unnecessary struggle and strife. When you get your perfectionism under control, you can work less and get more done.
You get defensive when receiving feedback
Perfectionists care deeply about what other people think of them, and this can make feedback hard to take.
Even well-presented, useful feedback feels like a needle to the eye.
You likely catch yourself acting defensively before you even realise that you take issue with the feedback.
Take comfort in the fact that feedback (even brutal feedback) is ultimately helping you improve your work. Feedback can actually help you get closer to perfection.
You’re critical of others
Considering their inability to receive criticism, perfectionists sure can dish it out.
Perfectionists can’t help but measure themselves against other people, so taking someone down a notch, especially if that person is a threat, feels good.
Perfectionists are also critical of others because they compare them to the same unobtainable standard to which they compare themselves.
You procrastinate
Perfectionism and fear of failure go hand-in-hand.
This combination leads to procrastination because even mundane tasks are intimidating when they must be completed perfectly.
You tend to freeze up when it’s time to get started because you know your ideas aren’t perfect and what you produce might not be any good.
However, how can you produce something great if you don’t get started and give your ideas time to evolve?
You have a guilty conscience
Perfectionists have a steady stream of guilty thoughts because they’re always feeling like they’re coming up short.
This guilt elevates stress, and it can easily spiral into depression and anxiety.
Guilt is fuelled by your self-talk. The more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more power you give them.
Stop what you’re doing and write down what you’re thinking.
Once you’ve taken a moment to slow down the negative momentum of your thoughts, you’ll be more rational and clear-headed in evaluating their veracity.
You take mistakes personally
Perfectionists take their work so seriously that they tend to over-estimate the impact of their mistakes.
Minor events can cause them to experience bitter disappointment.
Perfectionists must learn that failure is not a confirmation that they aren’t good enough.
You take pleasure in other people’s failures
This little known secret of perfectionists is not as evil as it sounds.
Misery loves company, and perfectionists can’t help but find satisfaction in knowing that other people experience the same frustrations as they do.
These moments of relief are short lived, and they make perfectionists feel bad for being so competitive.
You’re afraid to take risks
With the fear of failure comes the fear of taking risks.
Perfectionists’ hard work, research, and attention to detail produce novel ideas.
Unfortunately, their great ideas are often placed on the back burner because of their fear of risk.
The only way to get comfortable with taking risks is to take risks.
Actively leaning into the very things that make us uncomfortable builds confidence and the realisation it’s never as bad as we build it up to be.
You live in fear of rejection
Perfectionists need the approval of others to feel successful.
This mentality leads to a crippling fear of rejection.
Perfectionists dread things, such as asking for a raise or pursuing their passions in lieu of something that will win approval from others.
Living in fear of rejection feels terrible, stifles creativity, and slows down your progression as a person.
Remember Dr Seuss’s take on authenticity: “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”
To beat perfectionism, you need to be the most authentic version of yourself you can be.
This means pursuing the things you love, trusting that hard work will pay off, learning from your mistakes, and deriving satisfaction from within.
*Travis Bradberry is the award-winning co-author of the bestselling book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0, and the co-founder of TalentSmart. He can be contacted at TalentSmart.com.
This article first appeared on the TalentSmart website.
