Carol Kinsey Goman* has advice on the right (and wrong) body language female leaders should employ, especially in male company.
A female executive was having problems dealing with her male colleagues.
“They like me, but they never take me seriously. It’s as if they think I’m flirting with them, which I definitely am not,” she said.
After watching her interact with various men on the senior management team, I saw the problem.
She was trying to discuss work-related issues while using a ‘social gaze’.
Here’s what I mean.
If you create an imaginary triangle, the base of which are the eyes and the apex is mid-forehead, you will have mapped out the ‘look of business’.
When you keep your gaze in that area, you non-verbally signal a no-nonsense, business-like approach.
When you invert the triangle and move your focus to this area — from the eyes to the mouth — you turn your gaze into one more appropriate for social encounters.
A social gaze can be misinterpreted as flirtatious, even in a corporate setting.
As that female leader found out, one small nonverbal signal can change the dynamics of an entire business interaction.
Here are some nonverbal traps that women can fall into — and tips for avoiding them.
Using too many head tilts
Head tilting is a signal that someone is listening and involved, and a particularly feminine gesture.
As such, head tilts can be very positive cues, but they are also subconsciously processed as submission signals.
Use head tilts when you want to demonstrate your concern for and interest in members of your team or when you want to encourage people to expand on what they are saying.
When you need to project power and authority, you’ll be more effective if you keep your head straight.
Physically condensing
Women tend to condense their bodies, keeping their elbows to their sides and tightly crossing their legs to take up as little space as possible.
High-status males do the opposite: They expand into available space and take up room.
Remember that leadership presence is non-verbally reinforced through the use of height and space.
Stand or sit tall, pull your shoulders back, widen your stance, move your arms away from your torso, and look like the powerful leader you truly are.
Using girlish gestures
Everyone uses pacifying gestures when under stress.
We rub hands together, grab our upper arms, and touch our necks.
Women are viewed as much less powerful when they pacify with girlish behaviour like twirling hair, playing with jewellery etc.
Keep your hands on the conference table where they can be seen and where you will be reminded to keep them still.
When you do use gestures, notice if they are reinforcing your statements.
You can show your palms when indicating openness and inclusiveness.
“Steepling’ (fingertips touching, palms separated) when feeling very sure of a statement, and turning your hands palms-down when you’ve made a decision.
Speaking ‘up’
Women’s voices often rise at the ends of sentences as if we’re asking a question or asking for approval.
When making a declarative statement, be sure to use the authoritative arc, in which your voice starts on one note, rises in pitch through the sentence and drops back down at the end.
Smiling excessively
Excessive or inappropriate smiling can be confusing and a credibility robber.
Employed at the right times (for example, during an initial meeting with a potential business client), smiling can be one of the most powerful and positive nonverbal cues
However, when the subject turns serious, you need to look serious.
Nodding too much
When a man nods, it means he agrees.
When a woman nods, it means she agrees — or is listening to, empathising with, or encouraging the speaker to continue.
In fact, we tend to nod so much we’ve been accused of looking like bobble-head dolls.
To project authority, especially when stating your opinion, keep your head still.
Waiting your turn
In business meetings, men often take control by talking more than women and interrupting more frequently.
One perspective on the value of speaking up comes from former Secretary of State, Madeleine Albright.
When asked what advice she had for up-and-coming professional women she advised: “Learn to interrupt.”
Flirtatious behaviour
Women gain likeability but lose the competitive advantage in a negotiation when we flirt.
Flirting can be fun and exciting, but in a business negotiation, it’s a better strategy to come across as competent and professional.
Being emotionally over-expressive
Women who visibly express their emotions with hand gestures that rise above their shoulders can quickly look erratic (especially to an audience comprised primarily of males).
To engage and motivate people, an emotional presentation can be very effective.
However, in situations where you want to maximise your authority, you’ll need to minimise your movements and keep your gestures about waist high.
When you appear calm and contained, you look more powerful.
Having a delicate handshake
Even more than their male counterparts, women with a weak handshake are judged to be passive and less confident.
Take the time to cultivate your ‘professional shake’.
Keep your body squared off to the other person, facing him or her fully.
Make sure you have palm-to-palm contact and that the web of you hand (the skin between you thumb and first finger) touches the web of the other person.
Look your partner in the eyes, smile — this is one place where a smile is a business asset — and start to speak: “So good to meet you . . .” or whatever.
Most of all, remember to shake hands firmly.
*Carol Kinsey Goman is an international keynote speaker and leadership presence coach. Her work involves Government Agencies and universities. She can be reached by email at [email protected].
This article first appeared at carolkinseygoman.com.
