Megumi Miki* says too many people believe that being quiet is a disadvantage in the workplace, when in fact a quiet nature can be a great strength.
Image: SIphotography
Have you noticed in the workplace that some people are told to “speak up more often” and, if you’re too quiet, you can be overlooked for leadership roles?
In a survey of more than 200 professional women, 91 per cent said that they felt that they often or sometimes had to behave like an extrovert to progress in their careers.
Harvard Business Review revealed that 65 per cent of senior corporate executives surveyed viewed introversion as a barrier to leadership.
Unfortunately, we have internalised this belief that being quiet is a disadvantage in the workplace, which could result in quiet people either giving up or being exhausted from pretending to be who they are not.
This is unfortunate, as your quiet nature can be a great strength.
Have you ever seen a quiet leader who doesn’t say a lot, but they are very insightful, wise and powerful when they do speak?
We need more of these humble, understated leaders who lead for a purpose, not for power, control and fame.
There is a difference between quietly disempowered and quietly powerful, however.
It depends on why you are quiet.
You are likely to be quietly disempowered if:
You are unaware of the impact you have by being quiet
As a naturally quiet person, you may be misunderstood as being aloof, disengaged or sometimes even arrogant.
If you are not aware of how you are perceived, it can interfere with your communication and relationship building.
Seek feedback and act on misperceptions, so you are not quietly misunderstood.
You have given up too quickly
If you notice you’re saying to yourself or to others, “I can’t do xx – it’s just not me” or “I am like this because I am xx”, you limit yourself with excuses.
If you say things like “I don’t speak up because others won’t listen”, then you limit yourself by blaming others.
Excuses and blame cause us to stay inside our comfort zones.
Take responsibility and step outside your comfort zone to avoid being quietly limited.
Your inner critics hold you back
Many people get anxious about speaking up, especially in groups – being seen and being the centre of attention.
The fear of being judged, being seen as incompetent, forgetting what to say and freezing are all very common.
What makes it worse is the unrelenting inner critic that tells you off for every small thing you do wrong – not being clear, not speaking up early enough, not remembering all the points you planned to share.
All the attention is on the inner critic and you are not present with the people you are speaking to.
Learn strategies to deal with your inner critics so you are not quietly absent.
You underestimate your contribution
Some say that they feel like there is no point speaking up because others have said what they have been thinking about, they have nothing to add or they don’t have expertise in the topic.
You may be underestimating the unique perspective you could bring.
If you believed you have something unique to add and commit to contributing, you could take active steps to get support or to find other ways to be heard.
Enable yourself to make an impact to avoid being quietly disempowered.
Quietly powerful leaders — leaders who have an understated, quieter style, which is characterised by humility, deep listening and enabling of others — have developed greater self-awareness and skills to be more comfortable with themselves, be present and make an impact with purpose.
So, what do we need to do to become quietly powerful?
First, work on appreciating yourself fully.
Appreciate not just your strengths and parts of yourself that you like, but also what you consider to be weaknesses and faults.
Reframe the stories you tell yourself about yourself so that you can manage those inner critics that hold you back.
Second, adapt yourself purposefully.
Rather than trying to fix yourself, find a compelling reason to develop skills and expand your behavioural repertoire.
Neuroplasticity and “free trait theory” researched by neuroscientists and psychologists suggest that we are more than capable of developing skills and behaviours outside what we currently consider to be natural.
This is especially true and easier when we develop ourselves for a purpose that’s meaningful to us.
With some inner work and skill development, your quiet nature will become your greatest asset and leadership strength.
These tips are not just for introverts, by the way.
Perhaps you’re quiet because you’ve been brought up in a culture, family, school or religious context to ‘be seen and not heard’.
You might be lively with people you know but quiet with strangers, or in the company of people in authority.
You can also find your quiet power to succeed and make a positive contribution in your own unique way.
* Megumi Miki is a leadership and culture specialist and founder of Quietly Powerful. Her website is www.megumimiki.com.
