Rachel Lefkowitz* says managing big emotions is hard at the best of times, even more so at work, and offers four techniques people can use to help themselves in the moment.
So, you’re having a big emotion at work. We’ve all been there.
Maybe you’re frustrated that a coworker dismissed your idea or you’re disappointed about a conversation you had with your boss.
Or maybe you’re simultaneously trying to focus on the video call, soothe a crying toddler, and forget about that devastating piece of news we just read.
Whatever the situation, having a big emotion is often super uncomfortable—even more so at work.
How do you help yourself in the moment?
Try one of these four techniques from Jay Fields from her course, Managing Your Emotions at Work.
Learn more about how to effectively cope with emotions at work in the course “Managing Your Emotions at Work.”
Look around—with fresh eyes
“When I’m upset, I tend to get tunnel vision and it’s hard for me to focus on anything else that’s going on other than how I’m feeling,” says Fields.
To counteract that narrow focus that happens when you get upset, try a technique called “orienting” to broaden your perspective.
- Start by turning your head away from the screen.
Let your eyes wander around the room.
Notice the colours, the textures, the light. And even if you see that room every single day, try to observe as if it’s your first time there. - Turn your body and look behind you.
When you see something that makes you feel good (like a plant, a cherished object, a quote, a certain colour), let your eyes rest there. - Get curious about why it makes you feel good.
Did your shoulders drop away from your ears? Did you spontaneously sigh? Did you smile?
As with all of these tools, the goal isn’t to make the unpleasant emotion go away or even distract yourself from it.
It’s to practice feeling safe and anchored in the present moment, alongside whatever discomfort you may be experiencing.
As Fields explains, “You are more than the experience of your frustration or your sadness or your stress, or whatever the uncomfortable feeling is.”
Feel your feet on the ground
Another way to regulate your emotions in a charged situation is “grounding,” which helps you feel physically supported by the ground beneath you.
It’s a way to have dual awareness of both the unpleasant emotion and a more positive or neutral feeling: “It’s true that I’m scared. It’s also true that I can feel my feet supported by the ground.”
Here’s how to do it:
- Whether you’re sitting or standing, place both feet on the ground.
- Bring your attention to the physical sensation of them touching the floor. Wiggle your toes or shift your weight to give yourself a physical cue to pay attention to.
- As best you can, give your weight to what supports you (maybe the chair or your feet on the floor), and notice that you are physically supported in this moment.
- Get curious. Do your muscles soften? Does your heart rate slow down? Can you breathe a little easier?
- If you wish, continue the exercise by becoming aware of not only the floor, but also the ground underneath you, and the thousands of miles of Earth below.
For some people, this exercise offers immense comfort.
For others, it can be intimidating to visualise the earth in this way.
Not every exercise works for everyone, so experiment and figure out what works best for you.
Lengthen your spine and centre yourself
When things get crazy at work, it can feel like our energy is out of control.
“When you’re in a stress response, you feel hijacked, not yourself,” says Fields.
“You can’t necessarily control the stress response from happening, but you can identify it and interrupt it.”
To rein in your energy and pull yourself back to yourself, practice “centring:”
- Begin by feeling your feet on the ground, and from that place of support, stand or sit a little taller. Lengthen your spine.
- Broaden your front body by opening your arms out to the side and then letting them settle.
- Then bring your hands to rest on your chest or belly, or place one hand on your chest and one on your belly, and bring to mind a place, person, or memory that genuinely makes you smile.
- Get curious. Can you feel the smile on your face? Do you feel warmth through your body? Do you feel calm? Energised?
When you take time to get yourself centred, you’re putting yourself in the strongest position possible to show up for yourself, and navigate whatever tough emotions may be bubbling up.
Move your body
In times of intense emotion, not everyone finds it possible to sit quietly to get grounded and centred.
And while we all know we’re supposed to turn to our breath in high-stress situations, the reality is that we may not be able to find a calm breath in the throes of a high-stress situation.
That’s okay. If you feel frustration building up in your neck and shoulders, or notice a flutter of anxiety in your belly, there are plenty of other ways you can stay present that involve moving your body:
- Mindfully tap your foot
- Squeeze the seat of your chair
- Squeeze a stress ball.
- Shake your arms, hands or legs
- Put lotion on your hands
- Push your hands against the wall
- Press your back against the wall
- Balance a pen on your fingertip
- Take a walk and pick up rocks or leaves
- Hug yourself
The key to success here is repetition. Pick a technique that works for you and practice—20 seconds, a few times a day.
As Fields says: “The more you practice when you don’t need it, the more likely you are to be able to access it when you need it.”
*Rachel Lefkowitz is a Senior Marketing Manager at LinkedIn.
This article first appeared at linkedin.com.
