Sue Shellenbarger* says strivers seek out constructive criticism on the job and view it as a necessary way to correct their weaknesses.
Many people hate getting negative feedback and avoid dishing it out too, fearing it will spark anger, dejection or even tears.
But some people actually want and even seek out criticism at work.
Who are these people?
Recent research sheds light on their inner life.
People who thrive on feedback tend to be strivers who believe they can improve their skills and abilities.
They’ve embraced personal goals so compelling that they see criticism as a tool for helping reach them, rather than a setback.
They have close friends at work, and they also tend to be strong on both self-control and self-awareness.
Sales trainer Cheri Spets Farmer says she realised years ago that her colleagues noticed her shortcomings before she did.
She recalls struggling in a new sales job and asking a co-worker, “What do you think I’m doing wrong?”
Ms Farmer was surprised when her colleague, without thinking, immediately told her to focus more on selling the company’s special promotions.
“That was my lightbulb moment,” says Ms Farmer.
She realised that if you don’t ask, you may be the last person to see your own weaknesses.
She has requested critiques from colleagues and clients ever since.
It’s natural to resist criticism.
Some people feel so threatened by a critical appraisal that they start avoiding the colleague who delivered it, a recent Harvard Business School working paper shows.
“The difference between the highly self-aware and the rest of us is that they push through that discomfort and ask for feedback anyway,” says Tasha Eurich, an organisational psychologist.
People who take criticism well are often fortified by a belief that they can get smarter and better at their job through effort, according to a 2017 study co-written by Kris Byron, an Associate Professor in managerial science at Georgia State University.
Those who see intelligence as a fixed trait they can’t change are more likely to feel threatened if their manager doesn’t provide the affirmation they desire.
Marketing director Christopher Molivadas often asks his bosses what he can do better.
If they respond that he’s doing fine, he pushes for specifics.
“You have to really probe for feedback and let them know that you welcome it,” says Mr Molivadas.
When he was told at one point that he got too focused on details and didn’t spend enough time on big-picture problems, he set out to learn about strategic thinking.
He read books, asked subordinates for feedback and worked with a coach.
Tim Allard, co-owner of a business and executive consulting firm, says people who seek negative feedback “want to be the best version of themselves”.
“They’re internally motivated to grow.”
People who have close ties with others at work tend to seek tougher reviews, and to make changes in response, according to a 2017 study led by Stacey Finkelstein, Assistant Professor of marketing at Stony Brook University in New York.
Brian Binke, President and CEO of Birmingham Group, an executive search firm, has formed longstanding friendships with several other search-firm owners.
“We challenge each other to do better,” Mr Binke says.
When he asked recently for feedback on how he was managing costs, his colleagues’ critique led him to change how he assigned duties to some staffers.
Mr Binke sees the criticism not as a put-down, but as a vote of confidence — as if his friends were saying, “I know if you just put your mind to it, you can fix this,” he says.
Experts in their fields tend to be motivated by criticism, and to see it as a sign of how well they’re progressing toward their goals, according to a 2011 study co-written by Dr Finkelstein.
Novices are more likely to seek praise, and to interpret it as a sign of whether to remain committed to the goals they’ve set, the study shows.
Communication and change-management consultant Robin Camarote was stung recently by a potential partner’s heated critique of a proposal she’d written.
The broadside left her shaken.
But it also motivated her to redouble her energy and focus.
“There’s that little sting, that feeling of, ‘I’ll show you,’” she says.
When she later received positive feedback on the proposal from a mentor, she realised the criticism had been more useful, says Ms Camarote.
Dr Eurich recommends taking time to reflect on criticism before responding.
Loni Freeman, who works in HR, was startled when her boss on her first job out of university years ago said she often interrupted others and finished their sentences for them.
She denied it, but he insisted she did.
She ran the critique by a friend, and when he agreed with her boss, Ms Freeman resolved to start listening more carefully to others.
“That was a turning point for me,” says Ms Freeman.
“It was a bit hurtful, but I also saw how much I grew.”
Managers can help employees by setting an example and asking for feedback themselves, says Rachel Ernst, VP at Reflektive, a performance-management company.
Giving appraisals early in the day, when employees’ self-control hasn’t been depleted by fatigue or stress, may improve the chances of their taking it well, according to a 2016 study led by Rachel Ruttan, an Assistant Professor of organisational behaviour at the University of Toronto.
Managers also should stress employees’ ability to learn and change, according to a 2018 study by Elissa Adame, an Assistant Research Professor at Arizona State University.
Rather than telling them not to make any mistakes, consider saying, “I’m giving you these comments because I have high expectations of you, and I know you can reach them.”
* Sue Shellenbarger writes The Wall Street Journal’s ‘Work & Family’ column.
This article first appeared at www.wsj.com.
