Tomas Kucera* says pushing back on unreasonable requests is essential for anyone not wishing to get bogged down in middle management.
Assertive behaviour and the ability to push back is a necessary skill for any leader.
However, it is also a skill that doesn’t come naturally to most introverts.
Pushing back is to a big extent about confidence, understanding one’s limitations, and priorities.
When you know what your energy and skill limits are, you can prioritise.
You can focus on what gives you the biggest reward for the time and effort spent.
Being able to push back on extra work that doesn’t bring benefit to you and your team also frees you up to spend time growing your people.
You also play a role in shielding your team from errand work that is not important.
So what can you do to get better at pushing back and say “no”?
Show your value:
It is so much easier to push back without creating a negative image for yourself if everyone already knows that you can do a good job.
If you are new to the team or to the organisation, focusing on delivering results is the first step to building a solid foundation.
Differentiate between a perspective and a person:
When you disagree with another person there is always a danger you will activate their defences.
People may feel you are not only challenging their point of view, you are attacking them directly.
If you can clearly voice that you don’t have an issue with the person and only disagree with this particular point of view, it will be less threatening.
It will be more comfortable for you to push back and for the other person to keep factual and not skip into an emotional fight-or-flight response.
Be prepared:
Unless you are surprised by a particular request, it is always good to prepare ahead of time to support your point of view.
It helps especially in situations when you are pushing against something that is familiar to the other person.
For most people, new equals dangerous.
If you can point out that others have tried your way, and that it is less risky than it may look like, it will be easier for you to push back.
Understand the big picture:
It is always good to have a holistic view of any situation.
An essential part of pushing back is to understand the culture and background of the person or organisation you want to push back on.
In some cultures, it is not only acceptable to push back, it may even be expected.
If you don’t push back it may feel like you don’t care, you don’t have your own opinions, or you are not really leadership material.
In other cultures, it may mean the exact opposite, and you may be seen as not being a team player, or as someone who cares only about themselves.
Ask questions:
Before you even start pushing back make sure you understand what you are saying “no” to.
When listening to the responses try to understand your own position and what exactly triggered your disagreement.
Sometimes you may have an issue only with a specific subset of the activity, or there might be some conflict with your core values, goals and beliefs.
Listen and then talk:
Use your listening skills to build a rapport and connect with the person who is pushing on you.
If they feel you are listening, if they think they are being understood, they are more likely to listen to your arguments.
Offer alternatives:
Saying “no” is easier when you help the other party see different options and alternative solutions.
Simply saying that you disagree is unhelpful.
If you disagree by saying not only why you think something is a bad idea, but also suggest alternatives it makes you more constructive.
Avoid saying “but”:
There is power in using the right words.
If you listen to the other person’s perspective, then you say something like “yes, but I think…” it shows you didn’t listen.
It is much more powerful to react using “yes, and I would add/ask/change…” as it doesn’t invalidate the point of view of the other person.
It just adds a layer of your own thoughts and helps to keep the conversation on the topic.
This strategy doesn’t fit every situation, but you would be surprised how often it works.
Pick your battles:
It is stressful, and not even healthy, to push back on everything that doesn’t meet 100 per cent your approval.
There are some sacrifices worth taking, and there are some battles that are better not fought so as to build a social credit.
Pick the low hanging fruit:
Always be willing to help with stuff that doesn’t cause any significant effort for you but may be helpful to others.
The one thing you need to be careful of is not getting distracted too much.
There might be lots of low hanging fruits that can cumulatively derail your primary efforts.
Be consistent and persistent:
If you push back in a consistent manner and you are persistent in the way you explain your “no” to people, you are training them.
Eventually, they will understand what your priorities are, and they will consider them.
They will learn what things you can help with and what would create distractions and maybe even derail other initiatives.
Pushing back may something sound scary, but it is a skill critically important and one you can learn.
You deserve to have your life prioritised the way you want, not what someone else decides for you.
*Tomas Kucera is Vice President of Business Operations at SolarWinds, responsible for offices around the world. He can be followed on Twitter @GeekyLeader.
This article first appeared at thegeekyleader.com
