Friendships at work can become the informal engine of a healthy feedback culture, because genuine friends are often willing to be more honest with each other. Photo: cagazette.com.
Often they just happen and leaders may feel it is none of their business, but Michelle Gibbings says genuine workplace friendships are a driver of engagement and productivity.
Workplace friendships are easy to dismiss as a nice-to-have — good for morale, helpful when they happen, but not something leaders need to actively consider.
However, that view is increasingly out of step with how we experience work today.
KPMG’s 2025 Friends at Work research found that 45 per cent of employees surveyed feel isolated and alone at work at least sometimes — nearly double the figure from the previous year.
The researchers describe this as the “friendship mirage”: connection on the surface, but loneliness underneath.
This matters, and not because people should be forced to make friends at work. Friendship is voluntary, personal, and not something anyone (let alone a leader) can mandate.
It is about recognising the role genuine human connection plays in trust, feedback, resilience and performance — and making space for it in how your team works.
Early in my career, I was part of a big, complex organisation. The work was demanding. There were difficult stakeholder dynamics, heavy workloads and constant pressure to deliver.
My manager was stretched across many competing priorities and wasn’t consistently available.
What got me (and the rest of the team) through wasn’t a wellness program or a cultural initiative from our manager, HR or the organisation, but the people we worked with.
Somewhere in the middle of the pressure, the long days and the shared frustrations, we became genuine friends.
We challenged each other’s thinking; covered for each other in difficult moments; laughed when things were hard; and found ways to make the difficult stretches bearable and the wins worth celebrating.
The work mattered, but it was the quality of the connections that helped us deliver great outcomes.
Much of how we respond to other people at work is shaped by fast social judgments: Is this person safe? Are they on my side? Can I trust their intent? Do I need to protect myself, or can I be open?
When you trust someone, you interpret their behaviour more generously. You’re more likely to assume positive intent, hear their feedback as useful rather than threatening, and challenge them when necessary. The relationship has enough strength to hold the tension.
When you don’t trust someone, the same words can land very differently. A question can sound like criticism. Feedback can feel like an attack. A delay can be read as disrespect. A different view can be interpreted as resistance.
Friendship can become the informal engine of a healthy feedback culture in your team. Not because friends are always nice to each other, but because genuine friends are often willing to be more honest with each other.
Gallup has long argued that having a best friend at work matters.
It asked employees whether they had a best friend at work, and its research found people who strongly agreed with that statement were seven times as engaged.
KPMG found that 78 per cent of full-time professionals believe work friendships support their mental health. Nearly half said work friends provide a sounding board and source of empathy during stressful or challenging situations.
Others pointed to resilience, a sense of belonging and reduced burnout.
None of this should surprise us. Work is not just a set of tasks; it is a social system. People make decisions, solve problems, navigate conflict, absorb pressure, and adapt to changes in relationships with others.
When those relationships are thin, transactional, or guarded, the work becomes harder. People spend energy managing perception, second-guessing intent, and protecting themselves.
When relationships are stronger, the work can move more freely. People ask for help earlier, speak more openly, recover more quickly and are more willing to go the extra mile.
They do it not because a leader has demanded it, but because they care about the people affected by the outcome.
There is also a shadow side to consider. Workplace friendships can strengthen trust, collaboration and wellbeing, but if leaders aren’t careful, they can also create cliques, exclusion, favouritism and blurred boundaries.
A friendship-enabling culture is not one where some people become part of the inner circle while others are left outside it.
It is not a culture where decisions are made through social proximity rather than merit. It is not a culture where people feel they need to join after-work drinks, share personal details, or become more extroverted to belong.
Connection should never become a hidden test of loyalty. This means that the goal is not forced intimacy, performative friendliness or expecting everyone to be close friends. The goal is to create a working environment in which trust, care and genuine human regard are more likely to grow.
While workplace friendship can’t be mandated, you can shape the conditions in which trust and connection are more likely to form. Here are some places to start.
Protect informal time: If every meeting is packed, every conversation is transactional and every shared moment is rushed, don’t be surprised when relationships stay thin.
Start meetings with a few minutes of genuine conversation. Protect lunch breaks when people are together. Allow time for people to talk about the work and how the work feels.
Model genuine interest: If you ask only about deadlines, risks and outputs, your team members learn that performance is the only currency that matters.
Leaders who know their team members beyond their outputs send a signal — people matter here … you matter.
That does not mean prying or forcing personal disclosure. It means asking real questions, listening properly and remembering the answers.
Design in-person time with intention: Too often, organisations bring people into the office and then fill the day with presentations, updates, and information-sharing that could have been done online. That’s a missed opportunity.
Use in-person time for the conversations that build trust, not just the updates that could have been sent by email.
Create space for discussion, reflection, problem-solving and shared experience. Let people work through the messy issues together. Give them time to talk informally.
Watch for exclusion: Some people build relationships quickly; others take longer.
Some are naturally pulled into informal conversations, while others remain on the edge. Some roles have more access to the networks where information, context and opportunity flow.
Leaders need to notice those patterns. Who gets included early? Who hears information first? Who is invited into informal problem-solving? Who is left to work things out alone?
Workplace friendships are not a distraction from work; they are a crucial ingredient in making work happen.
Michelle Gibbings is a Melbourne-based workplace expert, and an award-winning author. She’s on a mission to help leaders, teams and organisations create successful workplaces — where people thrive and progress is accelerated. She can be contacted at [email protected]. This article first appeared at https://www.changemeridian.com.au/latest-news/.
