10 November 2024

The 'real' phone call between Trump and Albo

| Chris Johnson
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President Donald Trump

Anthony Albanese has congratulated Donald Trump on his election victory. Photo: Gabriel Awan.

I have just received a copy of the transcript of Prime Minister Anthony Albanese’s congratulatory phone call with United States President-Elect Donald Trump. Remember, you read it here first. (Please, don’t write in.) *

Anthony Albanese: Mr President, congratulations.

Donald Trump: Yeah, thanks, Andrew. It’s the biggest win in the history of the biggest wins, in the history of the universe.

AA: Yes, I guess it was. It’s Anthony, by the way.

DT: I might just call you Anchovy … hey, I made a joke.

AA: Very funny, Mr President.

DT: I’ve got a beautiful wife.

AA: Yes, sir. And you have a beautiful relationship with Australia. We’re really looking forward to taking it to the next level.

DT: Do we do trade together?

AA: We do.

DT: Well, I just had a big win, you know. The biggest.

AA: Yes.

DT: This is really my second term, you know. The last four years don’t count. Totally illegitimate.

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AA: Well, Mr President, I won’t keep you. I just wanted to congratulate you on behalf of all Australians and send you their best wishes. I’m really looking forward to working with you next year.

DT: You mean working for me, don’t ya?

AA: Did you just make another joke?

DT: I don’t do jokes, Anchovy. That’s something you need to know about me.

AA: But … didn’t you just …

DT: Pay attention.

AA: Sir.

DT: Hey, are you anything like that Trumble guy I dealt with last time?

AA: Malcolm Turnbull, the former prime minister?

DT: Yeah, that’s him. Tough guy. He really gave it to me over the whole refugee deal he’d stitched up with Obama.

AA: Oh, that’s old history, Mr President. I’m nothing like that. We’ll get along just fine.

DT: I got along just fine with Trumble. Did you just call me old?

AA: No, sir. I just said that’s old …

DT: Enough with the old already! Haven’t you seen Joe Biden?

AA: Well, Mr President, we’ll work with Mr Biden for the rest of his term and then we’ll just as eagerly work with you.

DT: Totally illiterate … um, illegitimate.

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AA: Anyway, Mr President, congratulations once more, and I hope to talk again soon.

DT: Hey, wait a minute. Don’t you have an ambassador here who said some nasty things about me? Nasty, nasty things. Sad.

AA: No, sir, he’s all behind you and this great relationship between our two great nations.

DT: No, no, no. Just hang on there, sunshine. Your ambassador tweeted some bad things about me. I remember.

AA: I think you’ll find there’s no record of any such thing on social media, Mr President.

DT: I’ll get Elon onto it. He’ll dig them up.

AA: I think it would be best if we focus on the future, sir.

DT: Revenge is the future Anchovy. Haven’t you been paying attention to anything this past year?

AA: I have, sir.

DT: Then you’ll know what I’m about then.

AA: Yes, sir, I do.

DT: It’s all good then.

AA: If you say so, sir.

DT: It’s gooder than ever before. It’s great. The greatest. I’m the greatest.

AA: I’ll let you get back to work, Mr President.

DT: Yes, very good. I’ll make a state visit to your great country sometime soon. That’s a promise.

AA: That would be fantastic. You’d be most welcome.

DT: Yep. Melania would love to see Vienna again.

* Yes, this is all fake news.

Original Article published by Chris Johnson on Riotact.

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