Michelle Bakjac says tying yourself up in knots about a decision you have to make can end up in you making the wrong choice — or not making a decision at all.
Have you ever been in a situation where you feel tied up in knots over a decision that you have made (or not yet made)?
It may even be a decision that you are putting off or maybe ambivalent about.
We can often obsess over the decisions we have to make.
We sift through all the ‘what ifs’ trying to work out the best thing to do to minimise or maximise the impact of the outcome we are hoping for.
We try desperately to crystal ball the outcome or alternatively just put off thinking about it at all.
If you are anything like this, there are some strategies we can attempt to implement to stop these ruminations and move on.
Whether it’s choosing which duct-cleaning company to hire or whether to accept a new job offer, sitting on a decision can make you feel paralysed.
You tell yourself: “That’s enough, just pick one and move on,” but the second you make a choice, thoughts of “am I doing the right thing?” start to flood in.
Psychotherapist and author of 13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don’t Do, Amy Morin says over-thinking a decision is unproductive and hinders you from making any progress.
Worse still, it can also cause serious health consequences, including increased anxiety and depression, poor quality of sleep, and unhealthy coping skills such as binge eating.
Ms Morin dedicates an entire chapter of her book to the problem of over-thinking.
Although she says women tend to over-think decisions more than men do, ruminating on a decision has the same negative impacts on both genders.
She suggests these strategies to avoid the negative consequences of over-thinking.
Put a deadline on your thoughts: To avoid over-ruminating about a decision, give yourself a time frame to think about it.
Tell yourself: “I’m going to make this decision by 2pm today and whatever I decide is going to be fine.”
This means you are giving yourself permission to think about it, but not allowing it to take over other parts of your day.
Ms Morin suggests asking yourself what a reasonable amount of time is to be thinking about this issue.
If it’s a small issue such as what colour to paint your office, perhaps a deadline of 10 minutes is sufficient.
Whereas a larger decision such as whether to accept a new job offer in another city may warrant a couple of days of thought.
Schedule your thinking time: One of the problems over-thinkers often face is thinking about their problems all day long, or at inopportune times, such as during an important meeting.
To avoid this, she suggests scheduling a specific time where you give yourself the freedom to think about the issue you need to make a decision about.
Tell yourself: “I’m going to think about this after dinner, not during this meeting,” can help you to push those thoughts away.
You know you’ll come back to them later.
Know the difference between problem-solving and worry: For most of us, over-thinking stems from a fear of the consequences of taking action A or B.
However, Ms Morin says those who are chronic over-thinkers often believe that they can solve a problem by continuing to pound away, thinking about it.
She says worrying in this way is not the same as actively solving a problem.
Thinking: “This is horrible, I can’t handle this” or rehashing things that happened in the past, are unproductive uses of your time.
Thinking about what steps you can take to improve the situation or actively thinking of a solution to the problem are helpful toward moving forward.
Becoming aware of when your thinking is unhelpful, and when it’s actively problem-solving can help you to ensure your time spent isn’t just adding to your stress.
Take a break: You know the expression ‘sleeping on a problem’.
Sometimes we’re better at solving a problem when we’re not thinking about it.
Ms Morin says sometimes we make better decisions when we let those ideas percolate in our brain.
Letting the inactive parts of your brain work through the problem can let the answer come to you when you’re not expecting it.
When you find yourself over-thinking about a problem, try to change the channel in your brain by moving on to another subject.
Or changing your physical space by going for a walk; or moving your laptop to a conference room to work on something else.
*Michelle Bakjac is an experienced Adelaide-based psychologist, organisational consultant and a Director of Bakjac Consulting. She can be contacted at [email protected].
This article first appeared on the Bakjac Consulting website.
