If you want to be an influential leader and expand your sphere of influence, you should embrace compliments with calm confidence, not awkwardness or arrogance. Photo: iStock.
Many people feel awkward and discomforted when they are singled out for a compliment, but Michelle Gibbings says accepting praise properly can be both an uplifting experience and a career boost.
When someone compliments you, what’s your immediate response? Do you say thank you or feel awkward and bat the compliment away?
For many of us, our response is the latter. It’s the paradox of praise.
Receiving a compliment should be an uplifting experience, yet for many it triggers that awkward discomfort, leading to downplaying, deflecting, or even dismissing the praise.
The ability to accept compliments is more than just an exercise in social grace; it’s a critical skill that influences relationships, career advancement, and leadership effectiveness.
If you want to be an influential leader and expand your sphere of influence, you should embrace compliments with calm confidence, not awkwardness or arrogance.
Why do we struggle with receiving compliments? It’s a combination of self-perception, social norms and anxiety, and cultural conditioning.
Research suggests that people with lower self-esteem often struggle to integrate external positive feedback with their internal self-view.
When you receive praise that contradicts your self-concept, cognitive dissonance can occur, leading to a reflexive dismissal of the compliment.
However, high self-esteem individuals can also experience awkwardness for various reasons. They worry that accepting praise too readily might make them seem egotistical and self-centred, or because they don’t like being the centre of attention.
When we receive a compliment, we can feel pressure to reciprocate immediately. You know that feeling: someone has done something nice for you, so you feel obligated to do something in return, even when you don’t want to. This psychological burden can make even well-intentioned compliments feel like a social minefield.
Of course, there is also genuine humility, where people don’t feel the need to externalise their confidence and may downplay praise.
Cultural expectations also shape how people give and receive compliments. We have ingrained social habits that shape how we interact and socialise. One of those habits can be to deflect or downplay compliments out of politeness.
Western individualistic cultures generally encourage self-affirmation. Even so, many of us are conditioned to be cautious about coming across as arrogant or boastful. Consequently, downplaying achievements is considered the safest strategy. No-one wants to be the tall poppy cut down to size.
Despite all this, compliments are crucial in relationship-building. They serve as social glue, reinforcing connections between colleagues, team members, mentors, and peers.
When you deflect or reject compliments, you can inadvertently push away expressions of goodwill, potentially weakening professional and personal ties.
Receiving and accepting compliments can also elevate how you feel about yourself. When people you trust and value recognise something good in you, it serves as external validation that you’re doing well. Over time, these affirmations can help reshape your internal self-talk.
Leadership hinges on the ability to inspire and uplift others. Accepting compliments well is a component of executive presence, demonstrating authenticity and emotional intelligence.
Leaders who acknowledge praise with gratitude rather than deflection set a positive example for their teams. Importantly, being able to accept praise sincerely can increase your team’s trust and respect for you.
Finally, it can help you advance your career. When you fail to graciously accept a compliment, you can undermine how confident people see you.
Whether you like it or not, confidence is a key determinant of success. Given the significant benefits of accepting praise, how can you overcome the discomfort and respond confidently?
Here are some strategies to apply.
A simple ‘’thank you’’ goes a long way: One of the easiest and most effective ways to accept a compliment is to say “Thank you”.
Adding a brief, sincere remark, such as, “I really appreciate that” reinforces gratitude without diminishing the compliment’s value.
Resist the urge to downplay: Many people instinctively downplay compliments by saying things like, “Oh, it was nothing” or “I just got lucky”.
Such responses not only devalue personal contributions but can also make the compliment-giver feel invalidated. Instead, acknowledge the recognition with poise. If praised for a project, respond with: “Thank you. I worked hard on that, and I’m glad it resonated with you.”
Avoid compliment ping-pong: While compliment exchanges are natural, avoid automatic responses that seem insincere. Instead, if genuine, reciprocate with a thoughtful observation later rather than in the same breath or conversation.
Internalise and reflect: Turning compliments into a tool for self-esteem requires internalisation. Instead of dismissing positive feedback, take a moment to absorb it. Reflecting on why someone offered praise can help reshape your self-perception over time.
For example, keeping a journal or folder where you record the compliments you have received, or noting affirmations, can reinforce self-worth and professional confidence.
Acknowledge team contributions: Sharing credit is essential and you should never take credit for work or effort that isn’t yours or yours alone. That said, acknowledging others should not come at the expense of accepting personal recognition.
Instead of deflecting, balance personal acceptance with team appreciation. For example: “Thank you. I’m really proud of what we accomplished together.”
Next time you receive a compliment, take your time to think about how you want to respond.
Michelle Gibbings is a Melbourne-based workplace expert and an award-winning author. She’s on a mission to help leaders, teams and organisations create successful workplaces – where people thrive and progress is accelerated. Contact her at [email protected].
