Leaders who focus on actions create a sense of personal efficacy that produces positive emotions and improves performance. Photo: File.
Travis Bradberry’s research has shown that self-control is a crucial element in the armoury of most successful business executives. He goes back to his data to illustrate what they do to manage their emotions.
Research conducted for my new book shows that 92 per cent of top business performers are high in emotional intelligence. The hallmark of emotional intelligence is self-control – a skill that unleashes productivity by keeping the individual focused and on track.
Unfortunately, self-control is a difficult skill to master. When Martin Seligman and his colleagues at the University of Pennsylvania surveyed two million people and asked them to rank order their strengths in 24 different skills, self-control was in the bottom slot.
Since self-control is something we could all use a little help with, I went back to the data to uncover the kinds of things that emotionally intelligent people do to remain productive and in control.
Here’s what I found.
They focus on solutions: When you fixate on the problems you’re facing, you create negative emotions, which hinder self-control.
When you focus on the actions you will take to better yourself and your circumstances, you create a sense of personal efficacy that produces positive emotions and improves performance.
Emotionally intelligent people won’t dwell on problems because they know they’re most effective when they focus on solutions.
They eat: File this one in the counter-intuitive category, especially if you’re having trouble controlling your diet.
Your brain burns heavily into your stores of glucose when attempting to exert self-control. If your blood sugar is low, you are far more likely to succumb to destructive impulses.
Sugary foods spike your sugar levels quickly but leave you drained and vulnerable to impulsive behaviour shortly after.
Eating something that provides a slow burn for your body, such as wholegrain rice or meat, will give you a longer window of self-control.
They forgive themselves: A vicious cycle of failing to control oneself followed by feeling intense self-hatred and disgust is common in attempts at self-control.
When you slip up, it is critical you forgive yourself and move on. Don’t ignore how the mistake makes you feel; just don’t wallow in it. Instead, shift your attention to what you’re going to do to improve yourself in the future.
They don’t say yes unless they really want to: Research shows the more difficulty you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress, burnout, and even depression, all of which erode self-control.
‘’No’’ is a powerful word you should not be afraid to wield. When it’s time to say no, emotionally intelligent people avoid phrases like “I don’t think I can” or “I’m not certain”.
Remind yourself that saying no is an act of self-control now that will increase your future self-control by preventing the negative effects of overcommitment.
They don’t seek perfection: Emotionally intelligent people won’t set perfection as their target because they know it doesn’t exist.
By our very nature, human beings are fallible. When perfection is your goal, you’re always left with a nagging sense of failure that makes you want to give up or reduce your effort.
You end up spending your time lamenting what you failed to accomplish and what you should have done differently instead of moving forward, excited about what you’ve achieved and what you will accomplish in the future.
They stay positive: Positive thoughts help you exercise self-control by focusing your brain’s attention on the rewards you will receive for your effort.
You have to give your wandering brain a little help by consciously selecting something positive to think about. Any positive thought will do to refocus your attention.
They sleep: When you sleep, your brain recharges, shuffling through the day’s memories and storing or discarding them (which causes dreams), so that you wake up alert and clear-headed.
Your self-control, attention, and memory are all reduced when you don’t get enough – or the right kind of – sleep.
Being busy often makes you feel you must sacrifice sleep to stay productive, but sleep deprivation diminishes your productivity so much throughout the day that you’re better off sleeping.
They exercise: Getting your body moving for as little as 10 minutes releases GABA, a neurotransmitter that makes your brain feel soothed and keeps you in control of your impulses.
If you’re having trouble resisting the impulse to walk over to the office next door to let somebody have it, just keep on walking. You should have the impulse under control by the time you get back.
They meditate: Meditation actually trains your brain to become a self-control machine.
Even simple techniques like mindfulness, which involves taking as little as five minutes a day to focus on nothing more than your breathing and your senses, improve self-awareness and the brain’s ability to resist destructive impulses.
Buddhist monks appear calm and in control for a reason. Give it a try.
They ride the wave: Desire and distraction tend to ebb and flow like the tide.
When the impulse you need to control is strong, waiting out this wave of desire is usually enough to keep you in control.
When you feel as if you must give in, the rule of thumb is to wait at least 10 minutes before succumbing to temptation.
You’ll often find that the great wave of desire is now little more than a ripple that you have the power to step right over.
The important thing to remember is you have to give these strategies the opportunity to work. This means recognising the moments where you are struggling with self-control and, rather than giving in to impulse, taking a look at these strategies and giving them a go before you give in.
Travis Bradberry is the award-winning co-author of the bestselling book Emotional Intelligence 2.0, and the co-founder of TalentSmart. His books have been translated into 25 languages and are available in more than 150 countries. He can be contacted at TalentSmart.com. This article first appeared on the TalentSmart website.
