Michelle Gibbings* says it is easy to say yes to requests and so much harder to say no. She has some advice for those who squirm at the thought of saying no.
Have you ever had a time when you said yes, and then seconds later got the feeling of dread and regret as you thought to yourself: “Why did I just agree to that?”
It can be easy to say yes.
It saves explaining why you don’t want to do something, you worry about letting someone down or the consequences if you say no.
As well, in many situations you are conditioned to say yes.
American author, Josh Billings said: “Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.”
Do you have clear guidelines as to what you will say no or yes to, and how you’ll respond?
I recently got a no back from a request I made. It went like this:
“My general philosophy in life is to have a big YES inside you regarding your purpose and goals.
“This is so that you know what you want to do which makes it easier to say NO to things that don’t fit with that.
“So I’m going to say no, not for any reason other than it would take time away from things that I prefer to dedicate my limited spare time to.”
I really liked this response for three reasons.
It was clear and unambiguous as to the reason; unapologetic as to why it wasn’t something they would do, and I got the no within an hour of the request being made.
When you constantly say yes to things you don’t want to do, you ultimately give up your voice and disempower yourself.
Author, Paulo Coelho said: “When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying no to yourself.”
Everyone has the right to say what they want and don’t want.
The key is to be clear on how you want to say no so it’s done in a way that is respectful and authentic.
Here are some things to consider.
Start by asking why not, so you are clear on the real reason for saying no and can ensure it is legitimate and that you won’t regret your decision later on.
Stand in your conviction so you back yourself and why you won’t be doing something.
This means you deliver the message with compassion and resolve, and you demonstrate your understanding of the other person’s perspective.
Be fast with your no. If you delay and prevaricate it can make the situation harder for the other person as they have less time to find an alternate course.
Be clear on your reason for saying no, and specific when you tell those involved.
Just saying no and nothing else can be interpreted as rude or disinterested.
Instead, express your statement positively and explicitly.
For example: “I wish I could be involved. However, I already have the agreed list of projects I need to finalise this quarter so unfortunately there’s no capacity to take on more.”
Be genuine in your response and make sure you are open to hearing the other person’s point of view.
They have the right to express disappointment or discontent about the fact you have said no to something they want.
Listen to them and ensure they feel heard
Don’t ruminate over the decision.
Once you’ve said no be comfortable with your decision and move on.
*Michelle Gibbings is a Melbourne-based change leadership expert and founder of Change Meridian. She can be contacted at [email protected].
This article first appeared at www.changemeridian.com.au
