27 September 2023

Only the lonely: How being the Only woman can affect your career

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Alli Hoff Kosik* says that being the only woman in the room can have lasting effects in the workplace and on women’s careers.


Photo: Stefan Stefancik

Nearly 20 per cent of women across the board — and 45 per cent for women of colour — identify as an “Only” on the job.

If you work in a corporate environment, you may have gotten used to the feeling of being an “Only.”

You’re often the only woman at a meeting, the only woman presenting at a conference, the only woman reporting to your manager.

You may be so used to being an Only, in fact, that you don’t even recognise it as a thing anymore.

Whether you’re actively aware of being an Only or not, you’re most certainly not alone in the experience.

According to the results of McKinsey & Company and LeanIn.Org’s annual Women in the Workplace report, nearly 20 per cent of women across the board identify as an Only on the job.

This number increases to 45 per cent for women of colour.

Women in technical roles and at senior levels of management are also more likely to report always or often being an Only.

In comparison, just 7 per cent of men say the same.

“What is unfortunate and concerning about the Only experience is that it’s associated with a worse experience in the workplace,” McKinsey & Company partner Marie-Claure Nadeau — who works closely with the Women in the Workplace study — notes.

According to data from the study, women who report being an Only are more likely to experience microaggressions in their professional setting.

A microaggression can be anything from needing to provide additional evidence of competence to being addressed in a less-than-professional way.

Women who are Onlys in the office also tend to feel worse than men who are Onlys — they are more likely to feel on guard at the office and to feel the pressure to represent their entire gender any time they say or do something.

These issues can have a real snowball effect, causing women to feel uncomfortable, unsafe, and unsatisfied.

“We see these small experiences piling up and leading to a worse experience and a lesser desire to advance and to stick where they work,” Nadeau says of the data.

As more women are pushed out of their workplaces by microaggressions and the pressures of seemingly representing all of womankind, there are fewer boss ladies ready to rise in the ranks, which means that the Only experience will continue — and even worsen — in the future.

It’s a vicious cycle.

In order to help break that vicious cycle, Nadeau and the team at McKinsey & Company are big advocates for forming affinity groups at the office.

You may feel like you’re constantly the only woman among your own team, but the odds are good that there are other women within the larger organisation who feel the same way.

Identifying those colleagues and getting into a regular habit of lunches or after-work happy hours may be a good place to start.

Tackling microaggressions directly is another great strategy, Nadeau tells us.

“They can be addressed in the moment so that over time, you create a culture that’s less biased and less open to microaggression,” she says.

Speaking out when you hear a co-worker say something offensive or ensuring that women and people of colour get credit for the ideas they bring to the table can help chip away at the larger issues.

“We want to make the Only experience more rare,” Nadeau says.

Same.

* Alli Hoff Kosik is a freelance writer. She tweets at @ahoffkosik.

This article first appeared at www.brit.co.

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