May Busch* says there are right and wrong career ways to advocate for a project, promotion — or just to get a better job.
As the older sister, I always spoke up on my little sister’s behalf.
If someone was giving her a hard time, I’d step in.
If there was a treat to be had, I’d make sure she got one too.
So when I moved up to the ‘big school’ I was worried. What would happen to my little sister now she had to speak for herself?
In the end, my little sister learned to advocate for herself and she did just fine.
In fact, she probably did much better without my ‘protection’ getting in the way.
You won’t always have the luxury in your career of having an ardent advocate fighting your corner.
That’s why the best advocate to count on is you.
Clearly, advocating for yourself is crucial when you don’t have sponsors, mentors and managers advocating for you.
Even when you have those supporters, it’s still an important career skill to be able to speak on your own behalf.
For example, no matter how many times a senior colleague reassured me that one of my team members had ambition and could stand his ground, I didn’t believe it until I saw this with my own eyes.
To me, Ben was the quiet one who sat at the far end of the meeting table and hardly said a word.
Sure, he was a hard worker and did everything I asked, but so was my personal assistant.
It was hardly the case for promotion to Director.
It wasn’t until I saw Ben advocate for his position in our team meetings and hold his ground in the face of peer pressure that I finally came around to believing it.
While it’s easy to know that you need to advocate for yourself, what does it look, feel and sound like?
Advocating for yourself in your career is simply making sure the right people are aware of your aspirations — making the case for why you should be chosen to lead a project, or get that promotion.
Sometimes it means making a proposal in writing.
Other times, it could be speaking up in a room full of people who didn’t quite understand your proposal.
It could also be putting your hand up to volunteer for a project, role or initiative.
Basically, it’s showing up and speaking up in situations where someone else has a say in how things turn out for you.
As with so many things in life, the difference between advocating for yourself well versus poorly is all about the how.
In my experience, there are two main mistakes people make when it comes to advocating for themselves career-wise.
The first mistake is to let that challenging feeling build into the kind of fear that gets in the way of advocating for yourself at all.
As a “nice Chinese girl”, this was my natural tendency.
On those few occasions when I got past my fear, I’d advocate in such a subtle way that no one noticed.
While my career turned out well in the end, I know I missed a couple of promotions because I wasn’t an effective advocate for my own career.
The second mistake is at the other end of the spectrum when you go too far.
This is when your positive intentions are met with a negative reaction from your boss, colleague or whoever else is in the audience.
Often, it happens when you let frustration get in the way.
If you desperately want something but fear you’re not going to get it, it’s natural to feel frustrated and even angry.
That can lead to feeling entitled and aggressively pushing for the outcome you want and feel you deserve.
This happens because your mindset affects your behaviour, which affects your outcomes.
When your mindset is based in frustration, anger and entitlement, the way you speak, the words you choose and your body language will reflect that negative mindset.
Striking the right balance between too little and too much advocating means tailoring your communication to the person you’re talking to.
It’s counterintuitive but advocating for yourself is not all about you.
It’s also about the person on the receiving end.
Advocating for yourself successfully requires self-awareness, awareness of the other person, a little pre-planning and being able to adjust your behaviour in the moment.
Pre-planning equips you with the words and ‘go to’ phrases that make you comfortable with what you’re saying.
Especially opening lines, what to say if things are heading for trouble, and closing lines.
Having these in your back pocket will give you the freedom to be fully present throughout the conversation.
When you’re able to be in the moment, you can pick up on nuances and improvise if necessary.
If things stay on track, being present will help you know when to stop talking.
As for when to advocate for yourself, I’ve learned that it’s best not to treat it as a one-time event.
The more you make it a normal part of your life, the less stressful it will be.
For me, it became normalised when I adopted the approach of mentioning interesting things my team and I were working on as part of ongoing conversations.
If you weave into your daily conversations brief anecdotes about what’s going on in your work (or life), it allows you to regularly let people know what you’re doing, the aspirations you have and how you and your team are contributing value.
Then, when it’s time to have the big, scary conversation, it’ll be a natural extension of the regular conversations you’ve been having all along.
*May Busch works with entrepreneurs and managements to build their businesses. She can be contacted at [email protected].
This article first appeared at maybusch.com.
