Sometimes the most influential thing you can do in a conversation is to listen well enough that someone recognises themselves in what you say back to them. Photo: simplypsychology.org.
May Busch says the most successful people are not always those who dominate meetings with the most brilliant ideas. Influence can come from being a good listener and thinking through problems together.
Early in my banking career, I was intimidated by some of my colleagues. To tell you the truth, it was most of them.
They could walk into a meeting and hold court for an hour, talking markets, strategy, products, the lot. They sounded confident, brilliant, and impressive — all the things I was not.
I remember thinking: How am I ever going to succeed if I’m not that kind of person? Then I noticed something.
In large meetings, clients barely spoke, but when I met them one-to-one, it was completely different. They wanted to talk — about their businesses, their concerns, and the decisions keeping them awake at night.
Slowly something shifted: I stopped being the banker sitting across the table presenting ideas, and became the person sitting beside them thinking through problems.
That’s when I realised something important: Influence doesn’t always come from being the most articulate person in the room. Sometimes it comes from being the person who listens best.
I was reminded of this recently during a conversation with someone who wanted to talk about her career. She described the work she enjoys, the environments where she does her best work, and the kinds of problems she loves solving.
When she finished, I did something simple: I summarised what I’d heard — not word-for-word, but the themes I noticed and a few of the phrases she used that felt especially true to her. She paused. Then she sat up a little straighter and said something that surprised me.
“No-one has ever reflected my work back to me like that before. It makes me feel really good about what I’ve done.”
All I had done was listen carefully and play back what I heard.
When people feel seen, heard and understood, something powerful happens. Trust grows, connections deepen, and influence begins.
Sometimes the most influential thing you can do in a conversation isn’t to say something brilliant. It’s to listen well enough that someone recognises themselves in what you say back to them.
This is one of the simple yet powerful ideas in my book, Visible, including a story about the time I met former Morgan Stanley president Dick Fisher and the surprising influence of people who listen well.
Influence isn’t always about having the best answer. Sometimes it starts with a good question and the willingness to really listen to the response.
May Busch’s mission is to help leaders and their organisations achieve their full potential. She works with smart entrepreneurs and top managements to build their businesses. She can be contacted at [email protected]. This article first appeared on May’s blogsite.
