Travis Bradberry* says people who cultivate likeable habits bring out the best in everyone around them – and generally seem to have more fun.
Too many people succumb to the mistaken belief that being likeable comes from natural, unteachable traits that belong only to a lucky few.
These are the good looking, the fiercely social and the incredibly talented. It’s easy to fall prey to this misconception.
When I speak to smaller audiences, I often ask them to describe the most likeable people they have ever worked with.
People inevitably ignore innate characteristics and instead focus on qualities that are completely under people’s control, such as approachability, humility, and positivity.
So being likeable is under your control, and it’s a matter of emotional intelligence (EQ).
To help you improve your EQ, I did some digging to uncover the key behaviour that emotionally intelligent people engage in that makes them so likeable.
They are genuine: Being genuine and honest is essential to being likeable. No one likes a fake.
People gravitate toward those who are genuine because they know they can trust them.
It is difficult to like someone when you don’t know who they really are and how they really feel.
They ask thoughtful questions: The biggest mistake people make when it comes to listening is they’re so focused on what they’re going to say next.
As a result they fail to hear what’s being said.
A simple way to avoid this is to ask a lot of questions.
People like to know you’re listening, and something as simple as a clarification question shows that not only are you listening, you also care about what they’re saying.
They don’t pass judgment: If you want to be likeable you must be open-minded, making you approachable and interesting to others.
No one wants to have a conversation with someone who has already formed an opinion and is not willing to listen.
Also, having an open mind is crucial in the workplace where approachability means access to new ideas and help.
They don’t seek attention: People are averse to those who are desperate for attention.
You don’t need to develop a big, extroverted personality to be likeable.
Simply being friendly and considerate is all you need to win people over.
People catch on to your attitude quickly and are more attracted to the right attitude than what – or how many people – you know.
They are consistent: Few things make you more unlikeable than when you are all over the place.
When people approach you, they like to know whom they’re dealing with and what sort of response they can expect.
They use positive body language: Becoming cognisant of your gestures, expressions, and tone of voice (and making certain they’re positive) will draw people to you like ants to a picnic.
Using an enthusiastic tone, uncrossing your arms, maintaining eye contact, and leaning towards the person who is speaking are all forms of positive body language that high-EQ people use to draw others in.
They leave a strong first impression: Research shows most people decide whether or not they like you within the first seven seconds of meeting you.
They then spend the rest of the conversation internally justifying their initial reaction.
First impressions are tied intimately to positive body language.
Strong posture, a firm handshake, smiling and opening your shoulders to the person you are talking to will help ensure that your first impression is a good one.
They greet people by name: Your name is an essential part of your identity and it feels terrific when people use it.
Likeable people make certain they use others’ names every time they see them.
You shouldn’t use someone’s name only when you greet them.
Research shows that people feel validated when the person they’re speaking with refers to them by name during a conversation.
They smile: People naturally (and unconsciously) mirror the body language of the person they’re talking to.
If you want people to like you, smile at them during a conversation and they will unconsciously return the favour and feel good as a result.
They know who to touch (and they touch them): When you touch someone during a conversation, you release oxytocin in their brain – a neurotransmitter that makes their brain associate you with a slew of positive feelings.
A simple touch on the shoulder, a hug or a friendly handshake is all it takes to release oxytocin.
Of course, you have to touch the right person in the right way to release oxytocin, as unwanted or inappropriate touching has the opposite effect.
Touching someone appropriately is a great way to show you care.
They balance passion and fun: People gravitate toward those who are passionate.
That said, it’s easy for passionate people to come across as too serious or uninterested because they tend to get absorbed in their own work.
Likeable people balance their passion with the ability to have fun.
At work they are serious, yet friendly.
They minimise small talk and gossip and instead focus on having meaningful interactions with their co-workers.
Likeable people are invaluable and unique.
They network with ease, promote harmony in the workplace, bring out the best in everyone around them, and generally seem to have the most fun.
Add these skills to your repertoire and watch your likeability soar!
*Travis Bradberry is co-founder of TalentSmart, a provider of emotional intelligence tests, training and certification. He can be contacted at TalentSmart.com.
This article first appeared on the TalentSmart website.
