Travis Bradberry* says lasting happiness doesn’t come from the things most people instantly associate with it.
When we think of happiness, we think of things that bring us immediate pleasure.
A decadent meal, a favourite book, or a relaxing day on the beach.
These pleasures do bring happiness, but only temporarily.
Studies have shown that true happiness, or life satisfaction, works a bit differently.
University of Pennsylvania psychologist, Martin Seligman categorised hundreds of people into three groups based on how they pursued happiness.
The Pleasant Life:
They seek happiness by looking for pleasure. They are good at savouring the moment and making their pleasures last.
These people are often described as thrill-seekers.
The Engaged Life:
They seek happiness by working hard at their passions.
They immerse themselves so deeply in these that they sometimes come across as cold and uncaring.
For them, time seems to melt away as they experience a state of total engagement.
The Meaningful Life:
They use their strengths to work toward something they believe contributes to a greater good.
This greater good motivates them deeply.
Dr Seligman found that people who pursued the Pleasant Life experienced little happiness, while those who pursued the Meaningful Life and the Engaged Life were very happy.
While this is just a single study, it shows that where you focus your energy and attention has a big impact on your happiness.
Happy people are highly intentional.
If you want to follow in their footsteps, learn to incorporate the following habits into your repertoire.
Create your own happiness (don’t sit back and wait for it):
Every second you waste waiting for happiness is a second you could have been using to create it.
The happiest people aren’t the luckiest, wealthiest, or best-looking; the happiest people are those who make an effort to be happy.
We work so hard to avoid letting other people down, but we often do so at the expense of our own happiness.
Surround yourself with the right people:
Happiness is contagious.
Surrounding yourself with happy people builds confidence and stimulates creativity, and it’s flat-out fun.
Hanging around negative people has the opposite effect — they want people to join their pity party so that they can feel better about themselves.
Get enough sleep:
When you sleep, your brain recharges, removing toxic proteins that accumulate during the day as by-products of normal neuronal activity.
Your energy, attention, and memory are all reduced when you don’t get enough quality sleep.
Live in the moment:
You can’t reach your full potential until you learn to live your life in the present.
No amount of guilt can change the past, and no amount of anxiety can change the future.
To help yourself live in the moment, you must do two things:
Accept your past — If you don’t make peace with your past, it will never leave you and, in doing so, it will create your future.
Accept the uncertainty of the future. Worry has no place in the here and now.
Learn to love yourself:
Most of us have no problem marvelling at our friends’ good qualities, but it can be hard to appreciate our own.
Learn to accept who you are, and appreciate your strengths.
Appreciate what you have:
Taking time to contemplate what you’re grateful for isn’t merely the right thing to do.
It improves your mood, because it reduces the stress hormone cortisol by 23 per cent.
Exercise:
Getting your body moving for as little as 10 minutes releases GABA, a neurotransmitter that makes your brain feel soothed and keeps you in control.
Happy people schedule regular exercise and follow through on it because they know it pays dividends for their mood.
Forgive, but don’t forget:
The negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress response.
Happy people know to avoid this at all costs.
Offering forgiveness doesn’t mean they’ll give a wrongdoer another chance.
They are assertive in protecting themselves from future harm.
Get in touch with your feelings:
Attempting to repress your emotions doesn’t just feel bad; it’s bad for you.
Learning to be open about your feelings decreases stress levels and improves your mood.
One study found that people who lived to be at least 100 were significantly more emotionally expressive than the average person.
Concentrate on what you can control:
Rather than dwelling on the things you can’t control, try putting your effort into the things that you can.
Have a long commute to work? Try listening to audiobooks.
Hurt your leg jogging? Try swimming.
Happy people are happy because they take their failures in their stride, not because they don’t fail.
Have a growth mindset:
People’s core attitudes fall into one of two categories: A fixed mindset or a growth mindset.
With a fixed mindset, you believe you are who you are and you cannot change.
This creates problems when you’re challenged, because anything that appears to be more than you can handle is bound to make you feel hopeless and overwhelmed.
People with a growth mindset believe that they can improve with effort.
This makes them happier because they are better at handling difficulties.
These strategies won’t just improve your happiness; they’ll also make you a better person.
Pick those that resonate with you and have fun with them.
* Travis Bradberry is the co-founder of TalentSmart, a provider of emotional intelligence tests, emotional intelligence training, and emotional intelligence certification. He can be contacted at TalentSmart.com.
This article first appeared on the TalentSmart website
