Have you thought about how you give and receive feedback? Photo: Supplied.
The ability to get and receive honest feedback is a key quality of successful leadership, but in practice is rarely easy. Gretchen Rubin has developed a framework that overcomes the barriers to a candid discussion.
In previous articles I have written about the concept of Radical Candour — giving guidance that’s kind, clear, specific, and sincere.
Sounds simple, right? However, while the concept of Radical Candour is simple, putting it into practice isn’t always easy, but don’t worry, I’ve got your back.
There are four key steps to giving and getting the feedback you need to excel at work, at home, and everywhere in between. I call them the Radical Candour Order of Operations — a framework designed to help you give feedback, get feedback, gauge feedback, and encourage feedback.
Get feedback: Soliciting feedback is the first step in the Radical Candour Order of Operations. You have to lead by example and prove you are open to receiving feedback yourself before you expect others to be open to receiving feedback from you. Asking people to criticise you might feel uncomfortable at first, but there are a few easy things you can do to make asking for feedback feel more natural.
Firstly, have a go-to question. I like to ask: “What could I do or stop doing that would make it easier to work with me?”.
Most people will try to wriggle out of the conversation. They probably didn’t anticipate your question, so they feel immediately wary. They may simply answer “everything is fine”.
Their discomfort will make you feel uncomfortable and you may find yourself reassuring them by nodding and offering an “I’m glad to hear that”. Don’t do this.
It’s essential you prepare yourself for these scenarios in advance and commit to sticking with the conversation until you have a genuine response. The goal is not to be a bully but to insist on a candid discussion — to make it harder for the person to say nothing than to tell you what they’re thinking.
Give feedback: Radically Candid praise includes both caring and a challenge. Being specific and sincere is a real relationship-building opportunity. It helps people feel seen and appreciated, while also getting a new perspective on their work.
Being kind means caring about what’s best for the person long term, not just what feels easiest right now. Being clear means leaving no room for interpretation about what you really think, while being open to the possibility that your opinion is wrong. Gauge the feedback you’re giving and getting: Do you ever wonder how the feedback you give others is landing? How about your reaction to the feedback you’re receiving?
Remember, feedback is measured, not at the speaker’s mouth, but at the listener’s ear.
When delivering feedback, focus on being fully present, pay attention to how the other person is reacting, and be willing to adjust your approach. If the person you’re talking to seems sad or angry, one great way to show you care is to acknowledge the emotion.
For example: “I’m noticing some strong emotion, what’s coming up for you? My goal was to be helpful, seems I’ve missed the mark”.
Often, simply acknowledging the emotion can help someone feel more understood.
Encourage Feedback: It’s a lot easier to lead by example than it is to change other people’s behaviour.
If you want to encourage Radical Candour among the people on your team, you have to create an environment of psychological safety.
Coined by author and Harvard Business School Professor, Amy Edmondson, psychological safety refers to feeling heard and acknowledged versus fearing you will be retaliated against.
Establishing psychological safety and cognitive and emotional trust allows people to give candid feedback, openly admit mistakes and actively learn from each other.
Getting and giving Radically Candid feedback is more like brushing and flossing than getting a root canal. Don’t schedule it. Just ask for it and offer it consistently and immediately when it’s needed, and maybe you won’t ever have to get a root canal.
- Gretchen Rubin is the author of the New York Times bestsellers, Better Than Before, The Happiness Project, and Happier at Home. She writes about happiness
and habit-formation. She can be followed on Twitter @gretchenrubin. This article first appeared on Gretchen’s blogsite.
