Travis Bradberry lists nine bad habits to be avoided if you want to be a happy person and successful in your career.
Almost every action we take in life is aimed at achieving or maintaining ‘happiness’.
Yet happiness can be hard to define.
Unhappiness, on the other hand, is easy to identify; you know it when you see it, and you definitely know when it’s taken hold of you.
Happiness has much less to do with life circumstances than you might think.
A university study found that people who earn the most are only a smidge happier than the average Joes and Janes who work for them.
Life circumstances have little to do with happiness because much happiness is under your control — the product of your habits and your outlook on life.
Psychologists who study happiness have found that genetics and life circumstances accounted only for about 50 per cent of a person’s happiness.
The rest is up to you.
Much of your happiness is determined by your habits, so you should monitor them closely to make certain bad habits don’t drag you down.
The habits below can lead to unhappiness.
Holding your feelings in:
One of the great misconceptions concerning emotional intelligence (EQ) is that it is about repressing feelings.
While it is true there are feelings that high EQ individuals do not allow to erupt on impulse, that does not mean those feelings are not expressed.
Emotional intelligence means honouring your feelings and allowing yourself to experience the catharsis that comes from embracing them.
Only then can you express them in a manner that helps rather than hinders your ability to reach your goals.
Numbing yourself with technology:
Everyone deserves the opportunity to binge-watch a TV show now and then or to indulge themselves with their Kindle.
The real question is how much time you spend plugged in, and whether it makes you feel good or simply makes you numb.
When your escape becomes a constant source of distraction, it is a sure sign you have fallen into the trap of too much of a good thing.
Spending too much time and effort acquiring ‘things’:
People living in extreme poverty experience an increase in happiness when their financial circumstances improve.
However, it drops off quickly as incomes continue to rise.
Material things don’t make you happy; when you make a habit of chasing them, you are likely to become unhappy.
Often you discover you’ve gained them at the expense of the real things that can make you happy, including friends, family, and hobbies.
Waiting for the future:
Telling yourself: “I’ll be happy when …” is one of the easiest unhappy habits to fall into.
How you end the statement doesn’t really matter (it might be a promotion, more pay, or a new relationship).
It puts too much emphasis on circumstances, and improved circumstances don’t lead to happiness.
Instead focus on being happy right now, because there’s no guarantee of the future.
Fighting change:
Change is an inevitable part of life, and those who fight it do so because they are struggling to remain in control.
Fighting change actually limits your control over the situation by putting up a barrier between yourself and the actions you need to take to improve your situation.
The idea is to prepare for change.
This is not a guessing game; rather it means thinking through the consequences of potential changes.
The first step is to admit that even the most stable and trusted facets of your life are not completely under your control.
People change, businesses go through ebbs and flows, and things simply do not stay the same for long.
When you allow yourself to anticipate change you prevent yourself from getting bogged down by strong emotions like shock, surprise, fear, and disappointment when changes actually happen.
Your acceptance that change is an inevitable part of life enables you to focus and think rationally.
Pessimism:
Nothing fuels unhappiness quite like pessimism.
The problem with a pessimistic attitude is that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you expect bad things, you’re more likely to get bad things.
Pessimistic thoughts are hard to shake off until you recognise how illogical they are.
Force yourself to look at the facts, and you’ll see that things are not nearly as bad as they seem.
Trying to keep up with the Joneses:
If you’re constantly comparing yourself with others, it’s time to stop.
In one study, most subjects said that they’d be okay with making less money if everybody else did too.
Be wary of this kind of thinking as it won’t make you happy and, more often than not, has the opposite effect.
Not improving:
Because unhappy people are pessimists and feel a lack of control over their lives, they tend to sit back and wait for life to happen to them.
Instead of setting goals, learning, and improving themselves, they just keep plodding along.
Don’t let this be you.
Staying home:
When you feel unhappy, it’s tempting to avoid other people.
This is a huge mistake as socialising, even when you don’t enjoy it, is great for your mood.
We all have those days when we just want to pull the covers over our heads and refuse to talk to anybody.
However, understand that the moment this becomes a tendency, it destroys your mood.
Recognise when unhappiness is making you antisocial, force yourself to get out there and mingle.
Changing your habits in the name of greater happiness is one of the best things that you can do for yourself.
It is also important for another reason — taking control of your happiness makes everyone around you happier too.
*Travis Bradberry is the co-founder of TalentSmart, a provider of emotional intelligence tests, emotional intelligence training, and emotional intelligence certification. He can be contacted at TalentSmart.com.
This article first appeared on the TalentSmart website
