By Travis Bradberry.
When emotional intelligence (EQ) first appeared, it served as the missing link in a peculiar finding: People with average IQs outperform those with the highest IQs 70 per cent of the time.
This anomaly threw a wrench into the assumption that IQ was the sole source of success.
Research now points to emotional intelligence as being the critical factor that sets star performers apart.
The connection is so strong that 90 per cent of top performers have high emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence is the ‘something’ in each of us that is a bit intangible.
It affects how we manage behaviour, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions to achieve positive results.
Its intangible nature makes it difficult to know how much you have and what you can do to improve.
I’ve analysed the data from the million-plus people TalentSmart has tested in order to identify the behaviour that is the hallmark of a low EQ.
You don’t get angry:
Emotional intelligence is not about being nice; it’s about managing your emotions to achieve the best possible outcomes.
Sometimes this means showing people you’re upset, sad, or frustrated.
Emotionally intelligent people employ negative and positive emotions intentionally in the appropriate situations.
You get stressed easily:
When you hide your feelings, they quickly build into the uncomfortable sensations of tension, stress, and anxiety.
Unaddressed emotions strain the mind and body.
Your emotional intelligence skills help make stress more manageable by enabling you to spot and tackle tough situations.
People who fail to use their emotional intelligence skills are twice as likely to experience anxiety, depression, substance abuse, and even thoughts of suicide.
You have difficulty asserting yourself:
People with high EQs balance good manners, empathy, and kindness with the ability to assert themselves.
When most people are crossed, they default to passive or aggressive behaviour.
Emotionally intelligent people remain balanced and assertive by steering themselves away from unfiltered emotional reactions.
You have a limited emotional vocabulary:
All people experience emotions, but it is a select few who can accurately identify them.
Our research shows that only 36 per cent of people can do this, which is problematic because unlabelled emotions often go misunderstood, which leads to irrational choices and actions.
People with high EQs master their emotions because they understand them, and they use an extensive vocabulary of feelings to do so.
While many people might describe themselves as simply feeling “bad,” emotionally intelligent people can pinpoint whether they feel “irritable,” “frustrated,” “downtrodden,” or “anxious.”
You make assumptions quickly and defend them vehemently:
People who lack EQ form an opinion quickly then succumb to confirmation bias, meaning they gather evidence that supports their opinion and ignore anything to the contrary.
More often than not, they argue, ad nauseam, to support it.
Emotionally intelligent people let their thoughts marinate, because they know that initial reactions are driven by emotions.
Then, they communicate their developed idea in the most effective way possible.
You hold grudges:
The negative emotions that come with holding on to a grudge are actually a stress response.
Just thinking about the event sends your body into fight-or-flight mode, a survival mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills when faced with a threat.
When a threat is imminent, this reaction is essential to your survival, but when a threat is ancient history, holding on to that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can have devastating health consequences over time.
Emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this.
Letting go of a grudge not only makes you feel better now but can also improve your health.
You don’t let go of mistakes:
Emotionally intelligent people distance themselves from their mistakes, but they do so without forgetting them.
By keeping their mistakes at a safe distance, yet still handy enough to refer to, they are able to adapt and adjust for future success.
Dwelling too long on your mistakes makes you anxious, while forgetting about them completely makes you bound to repeat them.
You often feel misunderstood:
When you lack emotional intelligence, it’s hard to understand how you come across to others.
You feel misunderstood because you don’t deliver your message in a way that people can understand.
Even with practice, emotionally intelligent people know that they don’t communicate every idea perfectly.
They catch on when people don’t understand what they are saying and adjust their approach.
You don’t know your triggers:
Everyone has triggers — situations and people that push their buttons and cause them to act impulsively.
Emotionally intelligent people study their triggers and use this knowledge to sidestep situations and people before they get the best of them.
You blame other people for how they make you feel:
Emotions come from within.
It’s tempting to attribute how you feel to the actions of others, but you must take responsibility for your emotions.
No one can make you feel anything that you don’t want to.
You’re easily offended:
If you have a firm grasp of who you are, it’s difficult for someone to say or do something that gets your goat.
Emotionally intelligent people are self-confident and open-minded, which creates a pretty thick skin.
Unlike your IQ, your EQ is malleable.
As you train your brain by repeatedly practicing new emotionally intelligent behaviour, it builds the pathways needed to make them into habits.
As your brain reinforces the use of this new behaviour, the connections supporting old, destructive behaviour die off.
*Travis Bradberry is the co-founder of TalentSmart, a provider of emotional intelligence tests, emotional intelligence training, and emotional intelligence certification. He can be contacted at TalentSmart.com.
This article first appeared on the TalentSmart website
