John Eades* says eliminating the word ‘don’t’ from your business language can change you from a controlling manager to an inspiring one.
With leadership comes responsibility. A significant portion of that responsibility includes being accountable for team members’ behaviour.
While this might sound like no big deal, trying to influence or control what other people do is hard.
The strategies and tactics managers leverage, but are not limited to, include the following:
Setting clear standards; aligning teams to core values; defining hiring processes; providing coaching, and having difficult dialogues.
While all of these are effective and things I teach leaders to use, there is a less effective method many managers adhere to called micromanaging.
Now before you act as you have never micromanaged, stop right there.
You have been guilty of it, and I have as well.
To closely observe, control, or remind others what they should be doing or how they should be doing is an easy thing to do when you are ultimately responsible for their choices.
Just because it’s easy doesn’t mean it’s correct.
The term micromanagement has skyrocketed in popularity in the past few decades.
Webster defines it as “manage [ment] especially with excessive control or attention on details”.
It has a negative connotation both in the marketplace and to employees because it limits the freedom to complete jobs or tasks instead of trusting things will be done correctly.
Managers tend to micromanage for one of three reasons.
Comfort
Many managers were successful in the role the people they now lead are currently working in, so it’s comfortable for them to get in the weeds.
Connectedness
There is a sense of being a unit when a manager helps do the work with their team.
Importance
No manager wants to feel they aren’t necessary anymore, so they micromanage to feel important.
Many full-fledged micromanagers have been exposed and removed from their position in the past few years because of high turnover rates, engagement surveys, and 360° Leadership assessments.
However, the best leaders know there is a fine line between setting high standards and coaching someone, and reminding others what they should be doing and how they should be doing it.
Since most managers don’t have an overt problem with micromanagement, they often do small things that lead to their people feeling micromanaged.
These small things tend to be the words they use and when they use them.
One word managers use to modify the behaviour of an employee is “don’t”.
Not only is it a micromanaging word, it’s demotivating to people. Here is how managers typically use it:
Don’t do it that way; don’t miss the deadline; don’t say it like that, say it like this.
Writing these statements that start with “don’t” exudes a manager trying to control, not inspire.
Since inspiration is a key to elevating others, breathing life into team members will help change behaviour with an internal trigger instead of an external motivator.
The word “don’t” has a negative connotation, and it stirs up feelings of defensiveness in people.
Instead of responding positively, more often than not, it will have someone responding in a begrudgingly way.
Just check out these same statements communicated without the word “don’t”:
Do you need any help making the deadline?
Try saying it this way to see if you get a better response.
I love your effort; if you modify your technique there is a chance it’s easier for you.
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see the enormous difference between a leader communicating like this versus one using the word “don’t”.
Eliminating or modifying “don’t” from your managerial language won’t be easy.
The challenge to you is to take a mental checklist around how often you say the word “don’t” to your colleagues, teammates, significant other, or even your kids.
Once you recognise the extent of your “don’t” habit, then it’s time to change your language moving forward to something more positive, inspirational, and encouraging.
*John Eades is the Chief Executive of LearnLoft a leadership development company. He is also the host of the Follow My Lead podcast. He can be contacted at johneades.com.
This article first appeared on John’s LearnLoft blog.
