Rachel Parnes* outlines five things to avoid when delivering constructive criticism.
We’ve all been on the receiving end of feedback that was poorly delivered.
At its worst, badly delivered constructive criticism can make you feel bad about yourself as a person, deflated, or unmotivated.
That kernel of feedback may be super important and could make a positive impact on your day-to-day work or a project you’re working on, but if it’s not delivered with tact and consideration, you won’t hear it.
And if you haven’t been on the receiving end of constructive criticism that was positive and empowering, it can be difficult to know how to do it well.
“We don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings, but we do need to give this feedback,” says Aimee Bateman in How to Effectively Deliver Criticism.
That requires coming from a good place and showing that you genuinely care about helping the other person improve.
In her course, Bateman explains exactly how to deliver feedback in a way that will be well received.
Whether you’re gearing up for a difficult meeting or preparing for performance review season, avoid these five mistakes to deliver constructive criticism like a pro.
Your feedback will be well received and it may even strengthen your relationship.
- Don’t deliver reactionary feedback. Plan what you want to say
When giving constructive criticism, you want to be clear and direct.
And often we may feel like we need to give the feedback right there in the moment—but don’t just blurt it out. Think first.
If you say “Tim, that call wasn’t okay, you should have said this,” it will instantly alienate and demotivate the other person, and your feedback likely won’t land.
Before you offer feedback, think about what the person’s goal is—in this case, it’s to make a successful customer call.
Then tell them what they’re good at that maps back to that goal, such as: “Tim, I liked how confident you sounded on that call. Being confident and relaxed is often the trickiest part.”
Approaching the conversation in this will help put the other person at ease and make them feel seen, heard, and valued.
But remember: be genuine. If they think you’re being insincere or sugarcoating, “it doesn’t’ matter what you say to them, they’ll switch off,” warns Bateman.
- Don’t talk too much. Make it a conversation
Yes, you’re the one sharing feedback, but this is a conversation, not a monologue.
Right from the start, ask them what they think: “Do you like doing those customer calls? How do you think the calls are going?”
Once you invite the person into the conversation, it’s likely they’ll be able to pinpoint and express exactly what they’re struggling with.
They may admit “It’s difficult for me to…” or “I wish that I was a little bit better at…”
This opens the door for you to offer your own critique and advice.
And especially if you’re a manager, it can reveal some important information about that person’s skill set, interests, and where they see themselves needing to grow.
- Don’t make it about you. Make it about their goals
Many of us have experienced this—someone gives you negative feedback and you have a strong assumption it’s mostly about their own fears.
To make sure you’re separating your own insecurities (let’s face it, we all have them) from the feedback you want to deliver, ask yourself: Why are you delivering this criticism? What is the positive business outcome you both want to achieve?
Then include that in your comments.
For example, you may say “Tim, I know you want to have a great relationship with your customers. I want that for you too. I want our customers to love you.”
When you share the reason behind your feedback, it helps them understand that whatever you’re about to say to them is coming from a good place, says Bateman.
And when they know you’re coming from a good place, they’ll be more receptive to hear your critique.
- Don’t focus on the negative behaviour. Share what’s in it for them.
Instead of focusing on the negative of what is actually happening, Bateman says to focus on the positive of what you want to happen.
First, offer a solution. In place of “Stop talking to them like that,” try: “If you ask the customer more questions to kick off the call, and listen to them for the first few minutes, they’re likely to warm up a lot sooner and relax, and that will allow you to build better trust and rapport.”
Then share what’s in it for them: “This approach will definitely make your calls easier, you’ll have a lot more fun, and you’ll improve your customer orders so you can hit your targets.”
When you communicate the positive outcome, your critique will feel less like a personal attack.
And that changes a “problem” into a “journey of improvement that we’re all on,” says Bateman.
- Don’t stack up critiques. Take them one at a time.
Nobody wants to bear the brunt of a rapid-fire list of critiques. So be sure to approach each area of improvement separately.
If there are several things related to the same topic, it’s okay to address them in the same conversation, but still take them one at a time using the tips above.
As Bateman explains, “We want to be able to ensure that they can digest everything and take it all on board and feel good about themselves.”
*Rachel Parnes* is Senior Brand and Content Marketing Manager at LinkedIn.
This article first appeared at linkedin.com.
