Ellen Hendriksen* says social anxiety is the third most common psychological disorder, so it’s important for managers to know how to deal with it.
Photo: Fizkes
Calvin calls in sick on days he’s supposed to give a presentation.
Melinda has stellar ideas she only communicates through email.
And Jess told you outright that she has a diagnosis of social anxiety.
There’s a good chance that you manage someone with social anxiety.
Social Anxiety Disorder means a person’s anxiety gets in the way of living the life they want (think passing up a promotion because it would mean leading training) or causes great distress (like a weeklong stomachache and lost sleep before an annual review).
Indeed, social anxiety ranks as the third most common psychological disorder, right after the heavy hitters of depression and alcoholism.
Interestingly, traits underlying both social anxiety and star performance at work overlap considerably.
People with this type of anxiety often have high standards.
It’s also a treatable condition, and the benefits don’t fade, even when the anxiety ebbs.
But whether an employee has social anxiety isn’t always obvious.
It may be Calvin, with his panicky dread of public speaking.
Counterintuitively, it may also be someone who can deliver a dazzling scripted presentation, but clams up when it’s time for on-the-spot questions.
One of the first questions I often hear from managers who want to be supportive is: Is it appropriate to call out patterns?
You should only start a discussion when the shyness or social anxiety is getting in the way of the person’s career or is negatively impacting others.
Don’t try to force people to conform to your idea of what “normal” behaviour should look like.
Support the introverts who wear headphones when concentrating, recharge by eating lunch at their desks rather than in the break room or put in an appearance at Friday beer hour and then head out.
In short, embrace a wide range of personalities and working styles.
But if you do notice that the person’s anxiety is interfering with their performance, you can start the discussion.
Of course, you can’t ask about private health information, but you can inquire about specific tasks or behaviours they have the opportunity to develop — for example, effective delegating, public speaking, communicating within the team, giving constructive feedback, or time management.
Whatever the task, ground your conversation in positive regard, not criticism.
Show you care about them and their career path.
If the employee tells you they have social anxiety, there are several things you can do to be a supportive manager.
Be their champion.
When an employee (or friend or family member, for that matter) discloses social anxiety, the most common response is to accommodate them.
There’s an urge to be a protector: to give them permission to stay home from the conference, not give the presentation, or opt out of the training.
And while short-term accommodation can be useful, over the long term, there’s a fine line between accommodating and enabling.
Social anxiety develops and is maintained through avoidance, so supporting them in facing their fears at their own pace is more productive than granting ongoing permission to opt out.
Rather than being their protector, be their champion.
Ask what they want to accomplish.
What can you do to help them achieve those goals?
Collaborate with your employee to set goals that are both realistic and challenging.
The bottom line: always be a collaborative champion.
Resist assigning them a task that would be “good for them” without a back-and-forth discussion.
Set clear roles and expectations.
We all know (or are) a shy or introverted individual who lights up when performing on stage.
Or we may work with a colleague who is awkward at small talk but is a top performer when set loose with clients.
Why? There’s a clear role to play.
For a socially anxious individual, structure can set them free.
Anxiety is driven by uncertainty.
Therefore, winging it is paralysing.
Instead, capitalise on your employee’s strengths and let them excel in more structured roles.
For example, they may dread a panel discussion but knock a scripted PowerPoint presentation out of the park.
Match them with structured tasks that allow them to shine.
Help them manage their perfectionism.
Social anxiety often comes bundled with perfectionism.
And perfectionism is tricky — a sprinkling can mean strong dedication and impressive results, but a generous helping is paralysing and self-defeating.
You often see social anxiety manifest as perfectionism when it comes to time management and prioritising.
The employee may spend an inordinate amount of time at the beginning or end of a project, procrastinating or polishing.
It can be helpful to establish process benchmarks.
Knowing what’s typical can help them calibrate.
Perfectionism is a well-documented fast track to burnout.
Talk with them about how they can give 100 per cent rather than 125 per cent.
They don’t need encouragement to work, they need encouragement to take care of themselves, recharge (use that vacation time!) and work at a sustainable level of intensity.
Remind them how valuable they are.
Folks with social anxiety are by nature self-critical.
They often focus on perceived shortcomings and overlook their contributions.
Balance out their scales by reminding them how great they really are.
Remember, social anxiety is a package deal.
It comes with lots of beneficial skills, including deep empathy, prosocial behaviour, and high standards, which often means stellar performance.
Those with a touch of social anxiety bring a vital kindness and humanity to the office.
Indeed, if you look past the fact that they care about what people think, you’ll find that, simply, they care about people.
And every workplace can benefit from that.
* Ellen Hendriksen is a clinical psychologist and author of How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety. She tweets at @EllenHendriksen.
This article first appeared at hbr.org/.
