Travis Bradberry* says persuasion is a key weapon in the armoury of likeable people —and likeability is a skill that can be learnt.
Whether you’re convincing your boss to fund your project or your pre-schooler to put his shoes on, persuasion is a skill that’s instrumental to your success in life.
Persuasive people have an uncanny ability to get you leaning toward their way of thinking.
Their secret weapon is likeability. They get you to like more than their ideas; they get you to like them.
Too many people succumb to the mistaken belief that being likeable comes from natural, unteachable traits that belong only to a lucky few.
It’s easy to fall prey to this misconception. In reality, being likeable is under your control, and it’s a matter of emotional intelligence (EQ).
I did some digging to uncover the key behaviour that emotionally intelligent people engage in that makes them so persuasive.
Here are the tricks of the trade that exceptionally persuasive people use to their advantage:
They’re pleasers
Persuasive people never win the battle only to lose the war.
They know how and when to stand their ground, and yet they are constantly making sacrifices that help their cause.
Persuasive people do this because they know in the long run this wins people over.
They know it’s better to be successful than it is to be ‘right’.
They aren’t pushy
Persuasive people establish their ideas assertively and confidently, without being aggressive or pushy.
Pushy people are a huge turn off. The in-your-face approach starts the recipient back-pedalling, and before long they’re running for the hills.
Persuasive people don’t ask for much, and they don’t argue vehemently for their position because they know that subtlety is what wins people over in the long run.
They aren’t mousy, either
On the other hand, presenting your ideas as questions or as though they need approval, makes them seem flawed and unconvincing.
If you tend to be shy, focus on presenting your ideas as statements and interesting facts for the other party to mull over.
They know their audience
Persuasive people know their audience inside and out, and they use this knowledge to speak their audience’s language.
Whether it’s toning down your assertiveness when talking to someone who is shy or cranking it up for the aggressive, high-energy type, everyone is different.
Catching on to these subtleties goes a long way toward getting them to hear your point of view.
They paint a picture
Research shows that people are far more likely to be persuaded by something that has visuals that bring it to life.
Persuasive people capitalise on this by using powerful visual imagery.
Good stories create images in the mind of the recipients that are easy to relate to and hard to forget.
They use positive body language
Becoming cognisant of your gestures, expressions, and tone of voice (and making certain they’re positive) will engage people and open them up to your arguments.
Using an enthusiastic tone, uncrossing your arms, maintaining eye contact, and leaning towards the person who is speaking are all forms of positive body language.
Positive body language will engage your audience and convince them that what you’re saying is valid.
They smile
People naturally (and unconsciously) mirror the body language of the person they’re talking to.
If you want people to like you and believe in you, smile at them during a conversation.
They will unconsciously return the favour and feel good as a result.
Persuasive people smile a lot because they have genuine enthusiasm for their ideas.
They acknowledge your point of view
An extremely powerful tactic of persuasion is to concede the point.
Admit that your argument is not perfect. This shows that you are open minded and willing to make adjustments, instead of stubbornly sticking to your cause.
Try using statements such as “I see where you are coming from,” and “that makes a lot of sense”.
They ask good questions
The biggest mistake people make when it comes to listening is failing to hear what’s being said because they are focusing on what they’re going to say next.
A simple way to avoid this is to ask a lot of questions.
People like to know you’re listening, and something as simple as a clarification question shows not only that you are listening, but also that you care about what they’re saying.
They use your name
Your name is an essential part of your identity, and it feels terrific when people use it.
Persuasive people make certain they use others’ names every time they see them.
They form connections
People are much more likely to accept what you have to say once they have a sense of what kind of person you are.
The person you are speaking with is a person, not an opponent or a target.
No matter how compelling your argument, if you fail to connect on a personal level, he or she will doubt everything you say.
They are genuine
Being genuine and honest is essential to being persuasive. No one likes a fake.
People gravitate toward those who are genuine because they know they can trust them.
By concentrating on what drives you and makes you happy as an individual, you become a much more interesting and persuasive person.
Add these skills to your repertoire, and you’re on your way to joining this exclusive group.
*Travis Bradberry is the award-winning co-author of the bestselling book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0, and the co-founder of TalentSmart. He can be contacted at TalentSmart.com.
This article first appeared on the TalentSmart website.
