The days leading up to summer are the days of the year when police forces, fire brigades, emergency experts and disaster dodgers issue heartfelt warnings to their powerless public to take great care in the hot and hapless holidays ahead.
And so it is in the undoubtable NSW Police force who have linked up with Crime Stoppers to stop crime, launching a new safety campaign aimed at getting drink-drovers off the road and presumably back in the pub where they belong.
“NSW Police and Crime Stoppers NSW are calling on road users to report drink, drug, dangerous and distracted driving on roads,” the onomatopoeic officers offered.
“The campaign is focused on enlisting the community’s help to crack down on the Four Ds to prevent crashes and keep loved ones safe.”
Such a clever, creative, clear and catchy campaign – Four Ds – except for the arithmetical acrobatics that question how “drink, drug, dangerous and distracted driving” make up 4Ds when there are clearly 5Ds in the title.
One D too many perhaps?
Or could it be the 4D campaign has overdosed on Ds?
Copped!
Staying in the police station now where the national capital’s equally reportable Police force has busily launched a special ‘Safe Summer’ campaign just in time for summer.
According to the ACT’s Chief Police Officer, Canberrans would be wise to “party safely, drink responsibly and look out for their mates” as their communal contribution to a safe and survivable summer.
Wise advice indeed delivered by the city’s top cop, whose position as Chief Police Officer is often referred to as the CPO.
While PS News and PS-sssst! are renowned for their indisputable supports of policedom and all things copulatory, we are bemused by the missed opportunity the CPO’s official abbreviator seems to have failed to notice.
Should the ACT’s Chief Police Officer be put through a name change and become better known as the Chief Officer of Police, (or simply Chief of Police) the droll gods of acronymy would be so much more excited to see him or her referred to with the far more apt and appropriate abbreviation: COP!
Oh English:
To our second last word for 2020 now from the courtesy of the multi-talented and ever-so-generous material sharer, Philomena S of Victoria’s soon-to-be reshuffled Department of Health and Human Services.
As an end-of-year gift, the following commentary on the English language has been lifted from one of Philomena’s contributions to PS News on the off-chance that some of us might find time in the easy season to answer some or all of the questions it raises …….
Oh English, Oh:
We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese,
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth
Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose.
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
Let’s face it – English is a crazy language
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
Neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren’t invented in England.
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square.
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don’t fing,
Grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham.
Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship…
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same?
A wise man and a wise guy are opposites.
If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
In which your house can burn up as it burns down.
In which you fill in a form by filling it out,
And in which an alarm goes off by going on.
And in closing…
If Father is Pop, how come Mother’s not Mop?
Breaking good!
And finally, sad and happy news this week with all good things coming to a yearly end and all the not-so-good things of 2020 hopefully being tucked away, never to survive or come to do any more damage in the future.
Today’s edition of PS News (and therefore PS-sssst!) is the last for the year but we won’t be going quietly, preferring instead to take this opportunity to thank every one of our readers (in particular, you!) for supporting us over the past 12 months in our efforts to keep you informed, advised or simply entertained.
It’s no secret that PS News doesn’t just write, edit, and circulate itself alone but relies on a team of journalists, editors, designers, administrators, contributors and others to do it for it, all of whom have spent the past year publishing PS News as creatively and professionally as they can.
So it is alphabetically that Christine, Ed, Frank, Graham, Ian, John, Lisa, Natasha, Paul, Rama, Robert, Sarah, Ted, Vic and Ysabel wish each and every one of our readers a happy, relaxing and well-earned Christmas break and a rejuvenated, revitalised and regenerated return in 2021 for a better-behaved, more responsible and good-natured New Year.
For your diary, PS News will be back bigger and better in the week commencing 14 January.
Till then….
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