Michelle Gibbings* says the best communicators know there are times when saying nothing can be more powerful than words.
Great communicators have an impact, but often their impact isn’t just about what they say, it’s about how they say it.
They know when to talk, and when not to talk.
That is, they know when to pause and how to use silence.
The pause is powerful, and yet it’s often overlooked or misused.
If you want a perfect example of how to convey a message with silence then watch Canada’s Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau.
He takes more than 20 seconds to respond to a journalist’s question about the United States President, Donald Trump’s handling of recent protests.
While he eventually answers, it’s his long pause at the start that speaks volumes.
Powerful communicators have long known the power of pausing and using silence.
Most of us are uncomfortable with silence.
Just think back to a first date, where you may have rushed to fill any awkward break in the conversation with more words.
Successful negotiators have also recognised that silence is a powerful tool in their negotiating kit.
They know when to speak and when to say nothing.
In the space of ‘no words’ the other side will often make concessions — agreeing to what’s been put on the table.
In many other aspects of life, there is a time and a place for the pause.
Firstly, the pause gives you time to process, think and then respond.
It effectively gives your brain time to catch up with your mouth.
When you are in the rush of an animated or heated conversation, it can be easy to blurt something out that you regret later.
However, when you slow down and pause, you become more conscious of how you are feeling, giving yourself time to breathe, ponder and then respond.
It also gives those conversing with you time to do likewise; to process, think and consider how they respond.
The conversation, therefore, feels less rushed and more considered.
Because most people feel uncomfortable with silence, you being comfortable with it creates an image of someone who has confidence, authority and presence.
These are all elements which elevate the impact you can have.
If you are delivering a speech, a pause can help to build emotion and anticipation.
The audience will wonder about what’s next and how the presentation will unfold. The audience can also be more drawn to what you are saying.
So in your work and personal life, consider what you can do to create space for the pause and time for silence.
Ask yourself these questions.
What do I need to do to be more comfortable with silence?
When is the pause best applied?
Where are the opportunities for me to say less, and yet have more impact?
When do I need to speak up because to remain silent is to endorse what’s unethical and unjust?
As writer, Mark Twain once remarked: “The right word may be effective, but no word is ever as effective as a rightly-timed pause.”
*Michelle Gibbings is a Melbourne-based change leadership and career expert and founder of Change Meridian. She can be contacted at [email protected].
This article first appeared at changemeridian.com.au.
