Shelley Zalis* says the modern workplace needs leaders with qualities traditionally associated with caregiving, so we need to end the ‘motherhood penalty’.
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The best leaders today are caregivers, and yet we’re losing our best leaders to caregiving.
The modern workplace needs leaders with qualities traditionally associated with caregiving — such as empathy, flexibility, and staying calm under pressure — now more than ever.
The biggest issue in the messy middle is that this is when women begin to drop out of the pipeline.
It’s often a time when women are starting families, and work–life balance issues kick in because we can’t do it all.
Caregiving is predominantly a female issue, but these same issues apply to men who take on the role as the primary caregiver.
Previously, I have written about how the motherhood penalty may play a big part in holding women back from leadership positions and contributing to the wage gap.
In fact, women get a 4 per cent pay cut for each child they have, compared with men, who get a 6 per cent pay increase, on average, according to The New York Times.
The reason we’re losing our best leaders to caregiving isn’t because women don’t want to lead, it’s because the system isn’t setting us up for success.
The rules were written when women largely weren’t in the workplace.
A recent New York Times article highlighted that the lack of women at the top isn’t because educated women with kids are opting out, but rather they are taking a step back because the nature of work today “pushes couples who have equal career potential to take on unequal roles.”
It’s time to flip the script and start a new conversation where we finally recognise the remarkable power that lies in caregiving.
Time spent being a parent doesn’t take away from work.
Rather, it adds tremendous value to the workplace.
In fact, a whopping 75 per cent of mothers think parenthood has made them better leaders, according to the new Reframing Motherhood.
The study also found that non-parents who have bosses who are parents believe that their bosses are generally better at: multitasking, being empathetic to others, being respectful of other people’s time, and making time to connect with their family and co-workers.
Jennifer DaSilva, President of Berlin Cameron, says, “Motherhood is completely unpredictable, which helps mothers to be more flexible and understanding of other people’s time.”
Here are some practices and policies that can help bring us closer to turning the motherhood penalty into the motherhood opportunity, and create workplaces that allow primary caregivers — whether male or female — to thrive.
Destigmatise flex schedules
Measure success not by time spent in the office but by results.
According to the Reframing Motherhood study, 32 per cent of mums and 26 per cent of dads name flexible work schedules as the “biggest accelerators helping personal career advancement.”
Normalise paid paternity leave
Offering equal paid leave will go a long way toward minimising hiring bias.
Research finds that while half of fathers think men should take paternity leave, only 36 per cent actually take all their permitted leave.
Making it mandatory would help level the playing field for both men and women.
Practise life-stage profiling
Arianna Huffington once told me that she doesn’t understand why we do exit interviews.
It’s obviously too late to fix the problem — they’ve already left.
I started thinking about this idea.
What if we do life-stage interviews?
People require different things at different life stages to thrive.
When you accommodate for life stage, you will not only attract the best talent, you’ll have a more productive workforce.
Define your priorities and then set boundaries
For me, being a mother made me learn how to multi-task on steroids, juggling it all.
You have one life with many dimensions, and my work and family are integrated into who I am and how I function. I’m a great mum, but I was not a typical textbook mum.
I always knew what my priorities were, which were family first.
“Some say, ‘perception is reality,’ but I would say, ‘reality is reality.’
Perception is reality is an excuse for keeping people on the hook when we actually should accept the new more greyish areas of how business gets done today in the wake of technology,” says Jackie Ramsey, SVP of sales at Brand Innovators.
“Boundaries are key. People have to decide what they want their lives to look like, and for me, it’s similar to a pizza pie. Sometimes family eats up half of the slices, because there is something happening that requires more attention, and other times it may only require a small slice and I choose to devote more of the pie to my work outside the home.”
Lead by example and lean on your teammates
Motherhood helped me realise I needed to live with a no-regret policy, and to lead by example.
I made a promise to myself that I would live with no regrets.
I realised early on in my career that no one at work would remember if I stayed late for a project, but my kids would remember if I missed something important to them.
That no-regret policy became my North Star.
As a leader, I encourage the same policy and tell my employees if you’re going to regret missing a family event or something that’s important to you, don’t skip it.
Lean on your colleagues and share the work burden.
Partnership starts at home
If you want a dual income family, then it’s important to equally shoulder the household responsibilities as well so that both partners can thrive in the workplace and at home.
Media has the power to change culture, and that’s why it’s important for content creators to portray both men and women as caregivers so we can overcome stereotypes.
Rewrite job descriptions to include caregiving qualities
Research finds that people with soft power skills — such as being nurturing, collaborative, empathetic — make better leaders.
Other research finds that men apply for a job when they meet just 60 per cent of the qualifications, but women don’t apply unless they meet 100 per cent of them.
We call that impostor syndrome.
If we upskilled with these qualities, who would be the impostor?
Imagine how many women would feel more qualified if we rewrote job descriptions to include caregiving qualities — and, by the way, could also deliver a great ROI.
Motherhood doesn’t take away from the workplace, it makes the workplace better.
Let’s reframe the way we work and the way we lead.
Let’s focus on allowing everyone to bring their whole selves to the office, and tap into the power of caregiving skills to transform culture.
It’s not only the right thing to do, it’s good for business: There is a return on caregiving.
* Shelley Zalis is CEO of The Female Quotient. She tweets at @ShelleyZalis.
This article first appeared at www.forbes.com.
