It’s hard to avoid negative, toxic people when we are thrown together in the workplace says Travis Bradberry* who has some advice on how to protect ourselves from them.
Toxic people defy logic.
Some are blissfully unaware of the negative impact that they have on those around them.
Others seem to derive satisfaction from creating chaos and pushing other people’s buttons.
Either way, they create unnecessary complexity, strife, and worst of all stress.
Stress is a formidable threat to your success. When it gets out of control, your brain and your performance suffer.
Most sources of stress at work are easy to identify. It’s the unexpected sources of stress that take you by surprise and harm you the most.
Whether it’s negativity, cruelty, the victim syndrome, or just plain craziness, toxic people drive your brain into a stressed-out state that should be avoided at all costs.
The ability to manage your emotions and remain calm under pressure has a direct link to your performance.
To deal with toxic people effectively, you need an approach that enables you, across the board, to control what you can and eliminate what you can’t.
Set limits: Complainers and negative people are bad news because they wallow in their problems and fail to focus on solutions.
People often feel pressure to listen to complainers because they don’t want to be seen as callous or rude.
However, there’s a fine line between lending a sympathetic ear and getting sucked into their negative emotional spiral.
You can avoid this only by setting limits and distancing yourself when necessary.
A great way to do this is to ask complainers how they intend to fix the problem.
They will either quiet down or redirect the conversation in a productive direction.
Rise above:
Difficult people drive you crazy because their behaviour is so irrational.
Make no mistake about it; their behaviour goes against reason.
The more irrational and off-base someone is, the easier it should be for you to remove yourself from their traps.
Quit trying to beat them at their own game.
Distance yourself from them emotionally and approach your interactions like they’re a science project.
You don’t need to respond to the emotional chaos — only the facts.
Stay aware of their emotions:
Maintaining an emotional distance requires awareness.
You can’t stop someone from pushing your buttons if you don’t recognise when it’s happening.
Sometimes you’ll find yourself in situations where you’ll need to regroup and choose the best way forward.
If a mentally unstable person approaches you on the street and tells you he’s John F. Kennedy, you’re unlikely to try and set him straight.
When you find yourself with a co-worker who is engaged in similarly derailed thinking, sometimes it’s best to just smile and nod.
Establish boundaries:
This is the area where most people tend to sell themselves short.
They feel because they work or live with someone, they have no way to control the chaos.
This couldn’t be further from the truth.
Once you’ve found your way to rise above a person, you’ll begin to find their behaviour more predictable and easier to understand.
This will equip you to think rationally about when and where you have to put up with them and when you don’t.
If you set boundaries and decide when and where you’ll engage a difficult person, you can control much of the chaos.
The only trick is to stick to your guns and keep boundaries in place when the person tries to encroach upon them, which they will.
Don’t die in the fight:
Smart people know how important it is to live to fight another day, especially when your foe is a toxic individual.
When you read and respond to your emotions, you’re able to choose your battles wisely and only stand your ground when the time is right.
Don’t focus on problems — only solutions:
When it comes to toxic people, fixating on how crazy and difficult they are gives them power over you.
Quit thinking about how troubling your difficult person is, and focus instead on how you’re going to go about handling them.
This makes you more effective by putting you in control.
It will also reduce the amount of stress you experience when interacting with them.
Don’t forget:
Emotionally intelligent people are quick to forgive, but that doesn’t mean they forget.
Smart people are unwilling to be bogged down unnecessarily by others’ mistakes, so they let them go quickly and are assertive in protecting themselves from future harm.
Squash negative self-talk:
Negative self-talk is unrealistic, unnecessary, and self-defeating.
It sends you into a downward emotional spiral from which it is difficult to pull out.
Avoid negative self-talk at all costs.
Get some sleep:
When you sleep, your brain recharges, so that you wake up alert and clear-headed.
Your self-control, attention and memory are all reduced when you don’t get enough — or the right kind — of sleep.
A good night’s sleep makes you more positive, creative, and proactive in your approach to toxic people.
Use your support system:
It’s tempting, yet ineffective, to attempt tackling everything by yourself.
To deal with toxic people, you need to recognise the weaknesses in your approach to them.
This means tapping into your support system to gain perspective on a challenging person.
Everyone has someone at work and/or outside work who is on their team, rooting for them, and ready to help them get the best from a difficult situation.
Identify these individuals and make an effort to seek their insight and assistance when you need it.
Implementing these healthy, stress-relieving techniques for dealing with difficult people will train your brain to handle stress more effectively, decreasing the likelihood of ill effects.
* Travis Bradberry is the co-founder of TalentSmart, a provider of emotional intelligence tests, emotional intelligence training, and emotional intelligence certification. He can be contacted at TalentSmart.com.
This article first appeared on the TalentSmart website.
